~Pucker face~ Charlie Conway

Chapter fifteen: Begin Again

Sometimes I don't see where this ends. I'm experiencing roller coaster emotions, one minute on top of the world, the next falling into a toxic mindset.  I can't directly blame anyone for it, but every so often you have to succumb to them. Realize you can't change anything by wallowing in sorrow. I did watch the days pass me by, tried to give time to heal, but it wasn't working. Finally one day, waking up to realize I needed to forgive myself.

Focusing on the drama and whose apology I deserved took too much energy. It wasn't my fault it had happened. Although I was the victim, that doesn't mean I can't try and pick myself up. I thought I could wait it out, but nothing is ever fixed that way. You heal by grasping the idea that life goes on, and that things may have gone wrong, but soon enough, will be right. Everything's a choice. Positivity, negativity. You, and only you get to decide. Too much time passes when you depend on others.

Charlie's POV

Too much time passes when you depend on others. I waited for her to come back. But she never did. Weeks passed, games kept getting played, but not once did she show her face around me. I was winning everything but her. I didn't care if I was still with Linda, I still hurt Sloane more than once and had to fix it. Obviously, not every one says sorry after they do something horrible, but I thought of myself as a person who would. I just didn't think it would be this hard.

Sometimes I thought I should just leave everything. That I wasn't meant to gain her respect again. Again, that was wrong. I was the one who had to apologize. Dropping it would make her perception of me true. I'd be an awful person, not that I don't feel like one already.

🏒🏒🏒

About a week later, all of the team decided to get Mickey's after practice. As we left the locker room, I walked over to Coach Orion's office to see if he wanted to come. He seemed to be in an alright mood, so why not? The light was on, and the door propped open. I set my bag outside when all of a sudden I heard Sloane's voice inside.

"I can't do that!" She exclaimed, as I stayed out of view.

"But you can. You didn't even get to play a game during your time on Varsity, which means it's still possible to take you back. The whole team misses you." Coach said.

"That makes no sense. I'm still on Varsity, just ask Coach Wilson."

"Well....you haven't shown up lately and so he thought it was best to just-"

"Are you kidding? He kicked me off?"

"Unfortunately, yes. Scott Holland also thought you should move again."

"SCOTT HOLLAND?" She yelled, "He's not the coach, who let him have a say? I was just about to be back and better...."

A few other members of the ducks stood behind me, also listening in. I then realized, nobody knew of the situation. Not even coach. Sloane was stuck. She wanted to be on Varsity to avoid me, but resent Scott. But now, she didn't have a choice. Give up hockey, or go back to seeing me every day.

"Better..?"

She gave a deep sigh and then cursed under her breath, then also remembering she didn't want to explain the dilemma. The rest of the team then trudged over, while those who were already there beckoned them to be quiet.

"I'll think about it. But don't count on me showing up. Being here might've just been it for me."

Sloane rose from the chair across from Coach Orion and swiftly moved out the door to see us all standing there, staring.

"Great..." She muttered walking away.

Julie and Connie wanted to go after her, but I told them not to. I didn't want them to figure out everything and absolutely kill me, they would. But everyone stood there confused as ever, even coach.