~Pucker face~ Charlie Conway

Chapter Twenty-One: When It All Comes Together

I'm not an optimist, so technically, it's not impossible to hide the relationship or 'thing' that I had with Charlie after our confessions, it's not. It's just really, really difficult.

Our talk about progressing whatever we had ended in a mutual agreement that we would just let things unravel, and surely we would become old news soon enough. But anyone who knew the hockey team understood that we were anything but calm at all times. Always shouting, always riled up. A big gang of competitive friends with an agenda. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this wasn't going to go as hoped. Not that I thought anyone would take it badly, just that things weren't necessarily going to be smooth.

Summer was also creeping closer and so were finals. Hockey season was coming to a close with our final game being the state championship. I was excited, but just as nervous.

My assignments were piling up as teachers rushed to fit everything in the curriculum in our lessons. It was just pure chaos: the relationship, the games, the homework. My body was in overdrive and I feared not being able to keep up. But I still did it. Woke up, did early practice, went to school for 6 hours, did after school practice, had dinner, dedicated my time to homework, then fell asleep.

When we had time, which was rare, Charlie and I would sneak off campus and get food, watch the stars, or just hangout. And that's when I felt like I could finally breathe. Being with him and not involved with anything- or anyone- else, was so simple. He was sweet. Held my hand as we walked through the city, paid for me sometimes, gave me pecks on the cheek or forehead when we had to part.

Charlie was bringing me something that wasn't just hockey. I felt freer. Yes, hockey was my love, but when people looked at me, that's all they saw. And Charlie saw more. The plus side was that our fighting prior to our relationship had brought out sides of us that we didn't show to others, and this was quite like that as well.

🏒🏒🏒

It was two days before the state championship tournament and we were taking a charter bus to Duluth. The ride was less than four hours, but coach insisted we leave at 6:30 AM to get to the rink for some practice time. Everyone was tired as we threw our bags under the bus on an trudged into the seats. None of us shared rows, all taking room to fall back asleep. Charlie sat in the row across from mine, and when nobody was looking, we shared a few comforting smiles. I fell asleep pretty early on in the ride and woke up when we arrived in Duluth.

We weren't going to the hotel until after we practiced which made most of us pretty cranky. Complaints were being thrown left and right but our coach wouldn't lend an ear. He was set on his plan. We were to win, and if we didn't, it wasn't going to be great. I prayed that in 48 hours we wouldn't be sitting back in the Eden Hall locker rooms getting an earful about missed opportunities and bad plays. It was possible, and that was all anyone could think about.

Timidly, we changed into our gear and set foot on the ice. For two hours, we drilled key tactics and then rehearsed plays to try and mitigate the arising of different scenarios. Over and over, the whistle blew and we would get after it as aggressively as possible. I still felt scared, we'd beat the team we were playing before, but it didn't mean they couldn't beat us now. For gods sake, it was the state championship, they were here for a reason. But so were we.

As we finished up practice, we were told to visualize our game tomorrow based on the drills today. Changing out of our uniforms, the locker room was unbelievably quiet except for the rustling sounds of clothing and the humming of zippers. Filing back on the bus, I sat by Julie and noticed her worried look.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"No, but coach has been putting Goldberg a lot lately, I'm worried I'll only get like five minutes of time, y'know? Like I'm second line right now, it doesn't feel right." She responded.