Growing Pains

5

Olivia glared at Meredith, the young woman who had spoken to her mother. What was she doing here? Who did she think she was? "Well?" she asked.

"I... um, just wanted to check on her."

"Mmhm," Olivia nodded slighty and crossed her arms. She looked past Meredith to her mother appeared shaken. Something Meredith had said bothered her.

"It was nothing. I'm sorry," she said. She was genuinely apologetic.

Olivia glanced at her mother. Serena lay on her side, turned away from them now.

Meredith went to go past Olivia, but she grabbed her elbow. "I'll drive you to the airport."

"Oh, that's okay, I can get a taxi." Meredith tried to brush her off.

"No, we're not gonna screw this up too. I'm driving you." Olivia was determined to get her to her flight.

"Bossy much?" Meredith snarked.

"Hungover much?" Olivia retorted, glaring at her.

"Oh please... this is nothing, I've had-" Olivia squeezed a little harder on her upper arm and Meredith shut up.

xxx

In the car, Olivia glanced beside her at Meredith for the third time. She wanted to know what she could possibly have said to her mother that would shake her up so much.

"Stop looking at me." Meredith snarled.

"What did you say to her?"

"Nothing." Meredith crossed her arms.

"Whatever you said, it upset her, what did you say?"

Meredith ignored her and stared out the window. They were on the bridge now, and traffic was moving slowly. Olivia tried a different tactic, "Your mother is a piece of work... but I still don't get why you want to be like her," she commented.

"I never said I want to be like her," she said. "I just want her to be proud of me."

"So you applied for pre-med? Sounds like you want to be like her."

Meredith shrugged, "She wants me to be extraordinary. She doesn't think I can be. I like to prove people wrong. Hospitals, medicine, that's what I know. Hell she bought me a suture kit when I was ten. I think I can do it."

Olivia considered that, she remembered her own conversations with her mother about college. Her mother was bewildered that she chose criminology. Why not law? Or Business? But Olivia had demons to fight. Meredith too, was fighting her demons. "I went to college," she said. "It's a great experience."

"Yeah?"

The cop gave a genuine smile, "You meet a lot of people, make friends from all over the world, learn from amazing teachers..."

"I am kinda excited about it," Meredith said, smiling now too. "I hated high school, so glad it's over."

"Hmm."

They drove in silence for awhile, and Olivia guessed they would be at the airport in about twenty minutes. She still wanted to know...

Meredith seemed to read Olivia's mind, "Look, I'm sorry I upset your mom," she blurted. "I went in to check on her, I thought she was sleeping. She woke up and asked me who I was...

"Who are you?" The older woman turned in her bed slightly.

"Hi, um... I'm nobody really, I was at the apartment when you passed out and I wanted to make sure you were okay." Meredith said, looking sadly at the woman.

She shook her head, "I'm not okay. Please leave me alone."

Meredith took a breath of air for courage, "Why do you hate her so much? Why do you not want her?"

Meredith stopped and looked carefully at Olivia and shook her head, "No. I can't say any more. I'm not saying anything else."

"Meredith, there's nothing you can say that I haven't heard before."

"She said... you reminded her of her rapist." Meredith whispered, her face flushing. "But you knew that already."

"Yeah..." Olivia said quietly. Her earlier anger at Meredith disappeared now. She couldn't believe her mother had said that.

"That's why you're a cop, isn't it?"

Olivia nodded. "That's a big reason, I guess." They were arriving at the airport now. Olivia turned into the drop-off lane.

"I told her... it shouldn't matter... I told her that if she was brave enough to have you, she should be brave enough to want you. And then you came in." Meredith sighed heavily. "I shouldn't have asked her that. I should have kept my mouth shut. It's just-"

The psychology of the situation became clear to Olivia, "You wanted to ask the same question of your mother..." she murmured.

"Stupid right? My mom wants surgery, and awards and prestige. She wants to be extraordinary. But she doesn't want me."

Olivia parked the car and checked her mirrors. Thankfully people wouldn't question a patrol car parked here. She turned and studied Meredith carefully. They weren't so different. At first she thought Meredith was spoiled, unfocused and riding on the coattails of her mother's success. Meredith hadn't been beaten or emotionally abused like her, but the damage was the same. It wasn't the time for 'get a grip' speeches... or 'you deserve better.' In the space of a sentence, Meredith broke her heart and put it back together again. I told her that if she was brave enough to have you, she should be brave enough to want you.

Meredith was reaching for the door handle, glancing through the window at the entrance of JFK.

"Wait..." Olivia said. She reached and held the girl in a half hug. Meredith crumpled under her arm, the contact more significant than any words she could offer. "Meredith, it doesn't have to be this hard."

After a minute, Meredith sniffed and wiped her eyes. Her expression changed from vulnerable to stony once again. "Thanks... for everything," She mumbled. And a second later she was gone.

xxx

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