my girls [ Harry Styles A.U. ]

twenty eight

Today I'm supposed to see Harry. I texted him Millie's address, even if I think he already had it so that we could talk privately. I don't want to go to his house and Millie is at a photoshoot all day which leaves me alone in the apartment. I've been standing in front of the door for an hour, waiting for him to knock. I don't know how I'll react to seeing him, maybe I'll feel all the anger that I have against him build in me, maybe I'll just see how miserable he is and my heart will soften.

Everything is possible with Harry Styles.

There is a knock on the door. I take a deep breath and try to smile. I open the door and there, I see him. He has a small smile, full of apologies and fear. He looks exhausted, the dark bags under his eyes prove that he hasn't slept a lot lately. I eye him up and down, incapable of not doing so. He's wearing a black hoodie, his hands inside the sleeves of it. He has simple blue jeans and his black Vans. He looks... normal.

"Hey." He finally speaks after a few seconds of a blank. He looks at my belly, noticing that it grew a little since three weeks ago.

"Hey, come in." I move out of the way and let him come in. He stays in the entrance, looking all shy and vulnerable.

I go to the kitchen. "Do you want anything? Tea, water?" I serve myself a glass of water.

"No, thanks."

I come back and sit. "You—you don't want to sit?"

"Oh, umh yeah, okay." He scratches his neck and sits in the nearest chair to him.

"So, how have you been?" I ask the question that has been playing in repeat in my head.

"Umh... Alright, I guess. You?" I notice that he's fidgeting his rings around his fingers. He always does this when he feels stressed. I've picked up on his habits, my fingers turning my rings around my fingers.

"Fine. I've been taking some time for myself, thinking about things.." We look like two teenagers on their first date, it's pathetic.

"About everything, I believe you," I speak up, he looks at me his eyes widening.

"You—you do?" He frowns, probably unable to understand my decision.

"I do. But I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry for leaving, for screaming, for being angry. I had every right to do this." I sip my water and avoid doing eye contact. I can feel his eyes on me, but I maintain my head low.

"Ok. I understand, you had every right." He hesitates before he continues. "What does that makes us?"

"I don't know. I don't think we can be together anymore... At least not right now." I notice the time on the oven.

"Harry, I don't want to chase you but I have an appointment and I need to go."

He stands up. "Yeah, sure. I'll leave. Thanks for listening." He walks towards the door and stops in front of it before turning back. "How—how are they?" He moves his hand in front of my belly.

"Fine, they've given me a hell of a time during my flight. They're the reason I need to go to the loo every hour, very annoying." I chuckle, moving my hands in a circular motion on my belly.

"I can't believe you've been pregnant for 7 months already. Still feels like yesterday I was running into you at the Gucci shop." He smiles, remembering our second encounter.

"Yeah... I can't wait to not be pregnant anymore, I've bought so many dresses that I want to wear and I cant." I say playfully talking at my belly.

Harry laughs and opens the door. "I'll let you go to your appointment. Goodbye Violet."

"Goodbye Harry." I close the door behind him and lean against the door. This was the best decision right? We can stay friends and our daughters will grow up with stepparents, that'll be fine, will it? Did I just do the biggest mistake of my life?

A million questions are spreading through my brain, questions that I can't answer, that no one can answer. I take my phone, put my AirPods in my ears and take my bag. I look outside and decide to take a coat, it's early October and the London weather is autumnal. I get down the stairs with difficulty and open the door. While I wait for my uber on the pavement, I sit on a bench and enjoy the view of London around me.

I hear tires screeching, a horn honking, and a loud bang. Looking around me, like every other pedestrian, I see the accident. It's a black range rover that is under a truck. I walk towards the accident, to see if I can be of any help. I highly doubt I will be able to help but you never know. I cross the street almost blindly, typing on my phone to call an ambulance. I turn all around the Range Rover to see if the person inside it is conscious when I see a sticker behind the car.

I would recognize that sticker anywhere.

I rush to the driver's side of the car and look through the broken window. It's Harry. His eyes are closed, he has blood dripping from his forehead. His head is resting on the steering wheel. He's unconscious. I'm incapable of moving and I can't talk. This cannot be happening. I must be having a bad nightmare. I hear an ambulance coming, I try to extend my hand to touch his cheek but when I'm only an inch away, I suddenly drop to my knees on the floor. Strong arms are placed under my armpits to support me.

A woman stands in front of me, from her blouse and badge I can tell she is a doctor. Some other people are taking care of Harry and the other person in the accident. I can't look at the woman, all my eyes seem to catch is Harry's bloody face. I can't hear when the woman start speaking to me. My hearing consists of buzzing sounds and muffled voices.

I focus on the lady in front of me and look at her in the eyes."It is not good for you to be here, are you hurt?" She says, I shake my head still not looking at her.

"Can you explain everything that you saw to me?"

I try to gather my thoughts. "I—I heard a loud bang. Then I turned around and I recognized the car." I can now feel the tears on my cheeks. My whole body is shaking and breathing is getting harder with every word I say.

"How far are you in your pregnancy ?" She asks.

"32 weeks but you shouldn't be with me go with him. He needs help!" I gesture my hand towards Harry. She looks at him and frowns. Other doctors are around Harry's car, trying to get him out of it without hurting him.

"Is he alive? He's my boyfriend! Is he going to be okay?" I beg her, looking at Harry's body being transported inside the ambulance. I feel like my head is trapped in a plastic bag and that it's sucking all the air around me. My breathing goes faster and faster with each breath that I take.

"Miss? Miss!" She moves inside the ambiance and takes a respiratory mask that she puts on my nose and mouth. I try to press it on my face harder but nothing changes. I am incapable to breathe correctly with the panic attack coming up.

"We're bringing her to the hospital, help me get her inside. She's in a state of shock and pregnant, it's dangerous for her and her baby." The doctor says, telling the other people around her.

I don't even bother correcting her, my eyes looking at Harry's body on a stretcher. They help me stand up and get inside of the same ambulance as him. Tears are draining my cheeks, my chest going up and down fast as I breathe. Inside, I see his body being connected to many cables that measure the beats of his heart. The beats are slow and unsteady. I look at him through my glossy eyes, the respiratory mask still on my face. I take it off and put a kiss on his hand.

"Hey, listen to me. You're not allowed to die. You need to hold on! I need you." I whisper through short breath, holding his hand and kissing his knuckle again. The ambulance starts and speeds through the busy streets of London.