𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲 (𝚂𝚊𝚕 𝙵𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚛)

Realization {Ten}

"Shine on me..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After an unnecessarily awkward and uncomfortable lunch break, I convince Sal to take a walk with me. I didn't have to do much other than ask him to go for a stroll in front of my mom. She took the hint and so did Sal.

Now, lazily and quietly, we walk side by side down my street.

Sal seems so comfortable and at his best for the first time in a while. Meanwhile, I'm stiff and aching to get all of these questions off of my chest... but I don't have it in me to ruin his contentment. I haven't seen him like this in far too long.

His hands are in his pockets and his head is tilted up toward the sky. His bright hair blows slightly with the autumn wind and glows with the fading sun. He's a sight to see and one I wish I could watch forever. How did it get this bad for me?

After a moment, I hear Sal release a troubled sigh. Then, his head tilts and our eyes meet.

"I'm sorry, Emsy. I didn't really know what to say."

My mouth parts in slight shock as I assess the distraught look in his eyes. He feels bad.

"It's okay, trust me— I understand." I giggle lightheartedly, offering him an understanding smile.

His eyes narrow in response though. "Not really." He murmurs. "After the crush you had on me a few weeks ago, it's really asshole-ish of me to lead you on like that. I don't know if you still feel that way, but it's a screwed up thing to say. Regardless of outside factors."

My entire expression slackens a bit as I take in his words. I appreciate them more than anything, but he isn't an asshole for that. He really didn't mean to lead me on.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Sal. You were put on the spot. And besides, I'm..." I pause, my words dying out in my throat as I try to find out if I want to lie to him... "I'm over the crush. It was just a little thing. You didn't hurt my feelings." I look away from him, hiding my nervousness behind a bright and cheerful voice.

It's better this way. It's better for him— Sal will be relieved that we can be just friends without him having to tiptoe around my feelings and I can just be here and admire him in secret. Love from a distance is still love.

Sal suddenly takes a gentle hold of my wrist, stopping me in my tracks. Dare I say it, I turn and look him in the eye.

He moves his hands to my shoulders, nearly towering over me and looking like an extraordinary Greek God in the low lighting.

A kind of mirth dances in his eyes, showing me he's smiling. And in seconds, he leans down and gently presses the mouth of his prosthetic to my cheek in a silent, yet meaningful kiss. "You're a wonderful friend, Emilie. It's better this way. I'm sorry if I was harsh about you having feelings for me, but I don't date. I don't want you to have this fantasy of us when you'd lose it the second you saw my face, more than just a glimpse of it. I couldn't let you lead me on either. You know?"

All of the butterflies that danced in my stomach between his friendly kiss and his monologue die the second he finishes speaking. How could he say something like that?

"Fisher, everything you just said hurt my feelings more than when you nicely rejected me. How could you think that I wouldn't want to be with you because of your face?" I shake my head, taking a subtle step back. His hands fall to his sides as he stares into my eyes. "I've seen you before, without your prosthetic. I think your face is unique and beautiful in its own way. I would never judge you, not when you shed so much light on the Earth. You're so caring and kind yet you think so low of yourself. Why would you do that? I wouldn't lead you on. If I were to go for you, I would do it for the long run. It would take more than a few scars to scare me away— and I can promise that there's absolutely nothing that you could do, Sal Fisher, to make me run away from you."