Family Matters

1 | Elephants

A gasp sucked into Ryan's mouth as he was suddenly jolted awake by a nightmare. His wide eyes searched the ceiling frantically in an effort to ground himself. Though his heart continued to thump in his ears, he relaxed once he realized he was safe at home. It was calm here. The rain falling on the windows gently, the moonlight washing the room in blue, it was calm. The nightmares always felt so distance once they were over, but in the moment, they were as surreal and horrifying as a real memory—Of course, that may have been because in part, they were real memories.

Ryan turned his head towards the door just in time to see the hallway light pop on. The door cracked open, a tiny hand hanging off the doorknob. "Uncle Ryan?" Blair's little voice murmured, "I had a nightmawe. Can I sweep wiff you?"

"Yeah, baby." He sat up, swinging his legs out from under the blankets. "Go 'head and get in bed. I'll turn off the light."

"Nooo, weave it on! Pweease!" She whined.

"I can't, sweetie. It'll go in Jani's room and he'll be grumpy in the morning." Ryan reached out into the hall, flipping the switch. "But, I'll do you one better. I'll turn on the closet light, okay?"

Blair humphed down into the bed, muttering an "Otay."

Once flipping on the magical closet light that would undoubtedly scare away all the terrible monsters, Ryan climbed back in bed and helped her get situated. "You got your blankie?" She held it up to show him. "Okay, good. And you've got Ellie?" She proudly held her elephant plushie in his face. Ryan smiled, "Perfect. I promise, I won't let anymore scary nightmares get either of you. Now, let's go back to sleep."

She seemed rather content once she'd snuggled herself in next to him. This was nearly a nightly occurrence for Blair. Ryan had gotten used to her using his arm as a pillow. He never thought Chris and Ricky's kid of all people's would be afraid of monsters under the bed, but given what she's been through, he couldn't blame her. He closed his own eyes and listened to the rain until eventually falling into a light sleep.

—

It was one of those sleeps that felt like it lasted five minutes. His alarm woke him up at 7AM sharp, just as it did every weekday morning. Blair scooched herself off the edge of the bed and ran to the bathroom in hopes of beating her older sister. Ryan couldn't quite muster up that kind of energy two seconds after waking up.

"Hey, dad, can I borrow-" His teenage son stopped dead in the doorway. "Woah. You look like shit."

"Thanks, Jani."

"Sorry. I've got a few extra minutes before I gotta go. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Start the coffee maker." Ryan said, "Was there something you were going to ask me for?"

"Lunch money."

Ryan grabbed his wallet off the nightstand, cracking it open to see nothing but loose change. "Fuck. I'm all out of bills."

"It's cool, dad. I can grab something from home." Jani bolted off towards the kitchen to start a brew and rummage through the pantry. Ryan sighed to himself, once again feeling utterly pathetic. Like his son really cared that he forgot to go to an ATM this week, but it was the principle of the whole thing.

An hour and two strong cups of coffee later, the girls were getting on their bus and Jani had long ago sped off to catch his first class. Ryan debated going back to sleep, but he didn't see much of a point. He'd take the lethargy over the nightmares any day. It'd been the same thing day in and day out for a year now; Get Jani—and now the girls—off to school, then sitting with his guitar waiting on inspiration to strike. It rarely ever did, and it wasn't like the old days.