Family Matters

5 | Coffee

If Ryan thought his nights were sleepless before. He tried to reason it'd get better with time, but that completely depended on Chris getting better. By sunrise, he was sick of tossing and turning and decided he'd be running on three hours of shit sleep today. Forty minutes later, he was showered, miserable, and praying the coffee would kick in already. 

"You're up early." His teenage son grumbled as he hobbled into the kitchen. Ryan usually doesn't catch his son pre-makeup and hair on the weekdays. The torture of high school made him look more corpse-like than the goth aesthetic ever could. 

"Couldn't sleep." Ryan said, "From the looks of it, you didn't get much sleep either." 

"What a nice way to tell me I look like shit." He replied as he kicked the freezer door shut, box of frozen waffles in hand.

"I didn't mean it like that. I barely made it through high school without all the extra shit you've gotta deal with. Maybe you should stay home today and get some rest." 

He pushed the toaster down, replying, "Can't. We have test prep in history today. Besides, I don't wanna have to do makeup work this weekend. I'm supposed to go out with Frankie and some of his friends." 

"I thought you had plans with Alex this weekend."

Jani grit his teeth. "Well, he flaked on me!" 

"I'll talk to Justin-"

"No! Just leave it alone! I can take care of my own shit, okay?"

Ryan sighed, "Alright. But I'm not too happy about you hanging out with Frankie again. And that's saying a lot coming from me."

"I told you, I don't smoke like him." Jani angrily snatched his breakfast from the toaster. "And he's like the only person with a life as fucked up as mine."

His father fell silent. As much as he'd love to scorn Jani for his attitude, as much as he'd like to comfort him and tell him he was always there, that they were in this together, he knew it'd fall on deaf ears. Most of the time, Jani handled the situation pretty gracefully for his age. Ryan wouldn't fault him for an occasional bad day, even though that wasn't entirely what this was.

Ryan sat in awkward silence as Jani rushed around the kitchen, pulling a lunch together and cursing at every minor inconvenience. Eventually, his son was out the door, and the house was even quieter. Another hour went by without any movement from the guest bedroom. Ryan eventually worked up the courage to peak inside. Chris was still breathing, but might as well have been comatose with how heavy he was sleeping.

"Shit," Ryan fumbled around for his phone as it started to ring. He tucked it between his ear and shoulder as he closed Chris' door, thankfully somehow not waking him. "Hey, Vin."

"S'up?" Chipper as always. "How's things?"

Ryan sighed as he sat down. "Fine. Chris is still asleep."

"Can't blame him. It's his first night away from the hospital in weeks."

"Yeah, I'm just gonna let him sleep. I'm surprised you're up this early." Then Ryan thought about it, "Have you gone to bed yet?" 

"No." Vinny said matter-of-factly. It sounded like he was talking through a full mouth, too. Yeah, given the state Vinny is in as a grown ass adult, Ryan really doesn't blame his teenager son for having moments of immaturity. Vinny went on to say, "I just wanted to check in before I crash. How're you doing?"

"I'll be fine. I have to be."

"Nuh-uh. Don't do that intellectualizing your feelings bullshit with me. How do you actually feel?" 

"That's a big word for you. I'm impressed."

"And don't deflect either!" Vinny replied, "Actual answer!" 

"I'm fine, Vin. Really. I'll let you know if I need you." Yeah, they both knew that was a lie. Ryan always carried his burdens well beyond the point of needing help. He had a pride problem, but they all did, in their own rights. 

He still remembers what an ordeal it was when Chris started letting outside people write on their records. Shifting his mind from a toxic mindset that he was letting other people do his work and if he couldn't access his own creativity, he didn't deserve the success, to understanding he was simply collaborating with other writers who had different strengths and ideas, that was all Ricky's doing. The things that tended to be fights between every one else, Ricky would somehow convince Chris of in the healthier ways possible. He wasn't manipulative by any means. He just understood how to get through to Chris. 

The others, never did. Ryan reflected back on it now, surprised he's even gotten this far. Chris has all but given up. His depression has made him uncharacteristically open to Ryan's help, but even so, Ryan was terrified of scaring him off.

Chris finally walked out, still half asleep. As he stretched his arms over his head, Ryan noticed how thin he'd gotten. His hipbones were visible for the first time in years. "There still coffee?"

"Might be cold, but yeah. Help yourself." 

Ryan didn't move off the couch, letting Chris have his freedom. He wasn't going to treat him like a psyche patient. If he wanted that, he would've stayed in the hospital. 

He came back a few minutes later with a microwaved cup. He was alone with kitchen knives for a whole three minutes and didn't try to kill himself. Funny how that works. Anyways. 

"Sorry if this is too forward, but you mind me asking what you've been doing for work?"

"Merch sales have still been pretty steady. Not tour steady, but it's a decent bit of money. Nothing too reliable, though, so I've been video editing mainly."

He didn't ask the same question in return. Unlike Ryan, Chris and Ricky had paid off their house years ago. Between Ricky's life insurance policy and the passive income he'd set up with his clothing line, on top of Chris getting a producer's cut on record sales, his bills weren't as much of a worry for him while he was away. 

"I'm... trying to figure out what to do with myself. I'm not ready to get back into anything yet, but I can't stand just sitting around all day."

"Doesn't have to be all day." Ryan pulled out his phone, "Just gotta kill a couple hours until Jani gets home. Then you either have free entertainment, or I do, depending on his mood and how good you are with homework help."

Chris paused as it processed. "Ryan, we started a band in high school for a reason."

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a/n: okay okay I know this is like a nothing update but I'm just proud of myself for updating this story. if anyone has any suggestions or requests for cheesy slice of life things you wanna see, please comment <3