𝖈𝖗𝖞 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖉𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊 - a dream smp au

chapter 7 - i feel rain on my skin and it feels so cold

For the next few days, Wilbur found himself hungering for warmth.

And not the barely warm enough warmth of his thin bedsheets, not the mushy lukewarm soup he gets for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

He hungers for Tommy's hand in his, Phil's finger on his cheek, Techno's squeeze on his shoulder before he said good night.

Wilbur had not spoken to Techno since that night, but he knew that he had been there because the blinds were always open.

He never seemed to catch him when he was awake.

But he wanted to, because he wanted to talk to him, even though words didn't come easy, he wanted to ask him about Phil, he wanted to ask him how he knew his name, things he didn't think of before.

He wanted to learn more about the stars.

And he hadn't seen Tommy either, even though he told him how to get up to the roof from his window, even when he waited for hours on top of the rooftop.

And he wanted to ask him too, why did you want to disappear, is it because you are like me? Why did you step off the precipice? Why did you take my hand?

And he wanted to ask himself why he reached out his hand, why he wanted to save him.

He wondered as he looked at the blank sky, touching danger with his fingertips.

And Wilbur Soot did it alone.

And he didn't realize before how cold it seemed all the time, now he had tasted just a touch on the tip of his tongue, he couldn't go back.

And Wilbur realized that he felt, what was that word again?

Lonely.

Wilbur felt lonely.

And he feared that he deserved it.

And he feared that he would have to face the cold for the rest of his life.

The next day, a folder is shoved across a desk, and Wilbur stares at it numbly.

And in it are pictures and words and text and numbers.

A man, a woman, and a boy.

And for the first time, Wilbur doesn't want to know about them, and he shoves the folder to the side of the white table and stares at it like it might open and swallow him whole.

But still, he puts on the chauffeur outfit, and he taps on the bedpost, and he repeats, repeats to himself.

I am a villain.

I am a villain.

I am a villain.

Like it would make anything better.

And he tries to tell himself again that they are just people.

But his mind, or maybe his heart, tells him that Tommy and Techno are just people too.

How much are you going to place on that just, villain?

But still.

Wilbur will regret miles of that but still.

But still, he lets guards lead him down, down, the elevators and through long halls of tiles and walls until he almost can feel nothing at all, and then they reach a parking garage and he sits in the driver's seat of a shiny black car, and he feels the power beneath his hands and underneath his feet.

Then Wilbur can see through the windows the overcast skies, and rain patters down on the roof and is wiped away rhythmically.

And he hears a giggle and a sprig of life slide into the car. The boy and his mother, their clothes sprinkled with water, letting cool air and water slide off the leather seats before slamming the door shut behind them.