✍🏻 Little Matchmaker

3 - Checking Out

Sophie watched Akira sleeping and silently wondered about everything that happened. Trying to find out where did she make a mistake. And not just one. From how the whole evening went, it seemed to her she just messed up everything as a parent.

Yes, she thought, he wasn't openly lying to her about what he intended, but he still withheld the information from her. And for what? For trying to prove to her that he is capable of doing things on his own and be more like his dad. Was she idolizing his father in front of him too much?
Akira barely remembered him and all she wanted was that he knew what a great man his father was. Now she was worried, that by doing so, she was subconsciously putting pressure on him trying to live up to some imaginary expectations of him that she did not have.
She always thought that he was watching all the re-runs of Dragon's Den and Shark Tank to be closer to his dad, not to imitate him....for her.
But it seemed that no matter how many times she told him that he is all she needs to be happy, somehow he was still trying to fill that gap of a man in the household anyway.
The alternative though seemed to her even worse. Not to talk about his dad at all and let him be forgotten. That would just break Akio's heart, wherever in the afterlife he was now, seeing that his own son, that he loved so much, has forgotten him. And it would break her heart as well.
There was just no right way how to go about it.
Even though becoming a parent gave her strength she never thought she had, it also gave her a constant supply of crippling fears she never thought she could ever experience.

Sophie then moved on to think about all the informational blackout he was putting her through. He still refused to tell her why did he get into the argument with his classmate, swearing at him and as a result almost getting expelled. She started the swear jar in hopes he would soon get annoyed by it and just tell her what happened. And after that, she would keep her promise and cancel the jar. But so far it seemed that she was the only one suffering the consequences of that stupid deal.
On the other hand, she just no matter what didn't want to go the same way as her mother always did. Trying to force everything out of her by grounding her. Or even worse, using physical punishments, something she would never ever stoop down to.

Sophie got up and went down, for a moment stopping at the kitchen counter and wondering if she should have a glass of wine. But then, the sooner she would go to bed, the sooner this horrible day would be over.
So she turned and went to her bedroom, now wondering about another thing.

What was it with Aki and Hanyu Yuzuru. One minute he loved him, the next he said he is stupid and now it seemed all was good again.
She didn't need or want the specifics of their conversation, Akira was, like anyone else, entitled to his own privacy without her monitoring everything he talked about with everyone. But this all seemed so strange. The figure skater seemed genuinely nice to her when she came over and asked him for advice on the new skates she picked for Aki for Christmas.
He seemed very tired, though still humble and if she wouldn't know about his achievements and who he was, she wouldn't have even guessed that he is famous. Just staying completely down to earth throughout the years in the spotlight.
Something that made her admire him even more because she herself knew how easy it would be to fall for that dazzling stardom and enjoying the high status of a celebrity.
Just with few simple taps on her phone, she could get millions of followers on Twitter if she would only decide to reveal her identity.
He seemed to her having the same mindset as her. That he just loved doing what he did and not for the status it brought him. Possibly if he had the choice he would have gone for anonymity as well. But unlike her, he didn't have the choice. And she kind of felt sorry for him in that regard.
But at least it looked like he was handling it well. Much better than she imagined she would have.
But after all, he didn't have a child of his own to protect from the whole world.

There were so many things on her mind that once she got to her bed, one that could comfortably accommodate four people, she just pulled the duvet up to her chin, hugged the nearest pillow, and hoped that the next day will be better.