Ultraviolence

Chapter 14: I can't have you, but I want to

"I hate it when the conversation starts like this, I hate to hear this notorious 'we need to talk' we don't need to talk," Jimin climbs onto Taehyung's lap who is sitting on the couch, and buries his palm in his hair. "Couldn't it be much better to spend time like this than wasting it on conversations?" the omega whispers in his ear.

"Jimin," the alpha pulls him off his knees and stands on his feet. "I'm serious, we need to talk about us."

Jimin darkens, hardly swallows a lump that's rolled up to his throat, and remains sitting on the couch. Whatever follows after these words - Jimin will be hurt. The omega is sure. He already sees how with each new word Taehyung rips open his skin, leaves ugly scars with uneven edges, and Jimin will have to live with it.

"It can't go on like this anymore. I respect you and myself too much to lie. You are an amazing omega, you are beautiful, smart, and things wildly interesting with you, but I can't give you everything that you deserve, I can't become who you want me to be."

"Taehyung..." Jimin jerks forward to get up, but changes his mind and leans back on the sofa. "Do not say that. You yourself do not believe what you say."

"Unfortunately, this is what I think. I repeat it's not about you - you are perfect, any alpha would be happy to meet someone like you, but I ..." Taehyung relaxes his tie and starts to walk nervously around the apartment. "I can't do that. I cheated on you, I lied. I beg, please understand me. These relationships are going nowhere. I've been thinking about us these last days and I understand that this is no longer possible. I do not love you." He goes to the sofa and kneels before the omega.

Taehyung continues to say something, strokes the omega's knees, seems to apologize, but Jimin does not hear. He is locked in a vacuum, refuses to accept additional information - first he has to cope with the previous one.

Jimin looks at Taehyung and sees how his image grows cloudy from the tears blocking his eyes. Painfully. Taehyung's "I do not love you" burns his heart, mixes with blood, poisoning it, and staining it in black. Jimin has total darkness inside, the stench of decaying flesh and sheer hopelessness. Taehyung's "I do not love you" is the most painful thing ever. These five words turn off Jimin's sun and plunge him into darkness. He wants to howl like a wounded beast, crawl at the feet of the alpha and ask for mercy. But Taehyung already said what he said, and Jimin heard. No matter how the omega bargains with higher powers - the time cannot be turned back, the sentence cannot be canceled. Jimin can't even breathe without pain, each breath is hot air, burning out the lungs, each breath is the hope that it is the last. Taehyung is silent, sits at the feet of the omega, looks with his chocolate eyes full of regret, kills with his silence, buries him alive, and pours the cement from above, to be sure. Jimin is trying to say something, maybe even laugh, can turn this into a joke, maybe at least try. But Taehyung is unshakable. He whispers "I'm sorry" and gets to his feet, says something about the driver, the car, goes for his jacket. Jimin does not see, does not hear, he simply goes to the exit, silently goes down, and gets into the car.

Once the door slams shut, the omega orders to go to Jungkook and gives free rein to tears. Jimin sincerely does not understand how the alpha doesn't love him. Jimin is perfect, and Taehyung is blind for not seeing this. The omega gave him all of himself, and most importantly, his heart and Taehyung just tore it into pieces and trampled it. Jimin will not leave it like that. Taehyung will not be happy, he will not walk around this city and enjoy life, Jimin will make him swallow his own blood, and the alpha will regret it. He will regret that he did not appreciate, did not accept, did not like him. Kim Taehyung will not live long because the omega knows who to ask for such a favor.

"I can't stop, I need to stop coming to you, or I'll gain weight," Jin smiles and puts a snack with cream cheese and sun-dried tomatoes in his mouth.

"The main thing is that you are happy," Namjoon laughs. "I can watch you eat for hours."