left eye high || lh *rewriting in the future*

06. Frozen

I didn't see Calum when I got to school. The only time I'd heard from him since yesterday was another text when I woke up saying the usual: 'good morning' and 'hope you slept well.'

It was strange getting my books for class without a good morning kiss from him. We'd been dating just over a year and hadn't really broken the routine. It was sweet; it became the norm. I closed my locker and turned to see the familiar brown curls walking down the hall.

"Ashton!" I called. He turned and smiled. I loved that about him, he always smiled and it was always sincere.

Growing up, Ashton had been my only real friend - even when I came into school that day with my new scar. And even being young, I knew it meant a lot that Ashton didn't change when all of the other kids started to look at me sideways. Over time people got used to it. Or I just became used to the lingering stares. Either way, it got easier to become friends with teammates and occasionally some classmates, but I just couldn't really talk to anyone like I could talk to Ashton.

And I could never catch him looking at my scar. That made me happy.

"What's up Rey? You okay?" He giggled at his little rhyme.

"Yeah, just tired. Have you seen Calum?"

"Not since yesterday I think?"

"You sure?" I questioned, though Ash was easier to read than a book. I could tell that he really was unsure, but I guess I just hoped someone would know.

"Yes, ya goober." He smiled again and laughed off my worried look. He knew as well as I did that everything was fine.

"Alright," I chuckled back. "See ya later, Ash." We both headed off to class.

I got to my room and sat at my usual seat, wondering about Calum. I hoped he was okay. We had just fallen into such a routine that even one day being different was strange, so I tried to keep everything else in order: chewing the same gum, taking notes in the same notebook, unsuccessfully trying not to doodle or lose focus.

A tap on my shoulder snapped me out of my thoughts.

"What." I whispered as I turned around.

"You look tired."

"Oh, awesome! Thanks!" I kept my facetious tone quiet. If this boy says much more to me my eyes are going to roll right out of my head. I turned back to the face the board again. I lost my place in my notes and had even less of a clue as to what the teacher was saying, thanks to Luke.

"Hey,"

"What do you want?" I turned again and tried not to raise my voice with how annoyed I was getting.

"Look, I-" He paused and fiddled with his lip ring. I really wish he'd stop doing that, it's distracting. "I'm sorry I woke you up last night, I should've just waited."

He actually sounded like he meant it, like for once in his life he wasn't being sarcastic. It was weird, and it's not like waking me up had even been a big deal. An apology was surprising. "Um, it's okay." I answered, although it sounded more like a question.

Luke had a way of keeping me on my toes, couldn't really be sure of what he was going to do or how he was going to act next. Maybe there was an actual person beneath his bullshit.

But probably not.

I tried to get back to my notes but I couldn't focus with my eyes threatening to close every other minute; I really was tired. I asked to go to the bathroom and left to take a walk.

I wondered aimlessly to try to wake myself up a bit, then headed to the water fountain with the 'coldest' water. All the school's water fountains were probably just as cold, but I just abided by ancient student myths.

I turned down the next hallway and froze.

I didn't go back to class. I don't remember looking away or walking away but I left my books and whatever else at school and headed to my car. Without second thought I speeded away from the building. I rarely had a solid understanding of my emotions and feelings and now was no different.

Indifference seemed to be the only thing I was left with- if that can even be counted as a feeling at all. Indifferent because I couldn't choose between being upset, angry, or maybe relieved. Indifferent because I couldn't tell if I wanted to sprint my thoughts away or lay in bed or just carry on like nothing happened. Indifferent because everything in my mind is just too tangled.

He doesn't even know I saw.

I didn't bother to check my speed. I always drove too fast but all of the two cops in this entire town probably didn't mind. I passed my coffee shop and the town line. Eventually, I turned down the dirt road and drove to the end.

The thickly wooded area felt even denser with a white cover over each tree. The creek was frozen over, which made it quieter. It was probably too cold to be sitting on a snow bank by a frozen stream, but my mind was too occupied to notice. I'd left my jacket at school, too.

I didn't even see who the girl was. I guess didn't have to, knowing I'd never compare.

I should have seen it coming. Calum was too good for me- always had been. I was actually dumb to think that I'd be sufficient for anyone, let alone him. I do hope he's happier now. He deserves someone to make him happy; he was good. I just couldn't do that for him.

"Reyna what the hell?"

+ a/n uh oh cal. also i obviously don't know how to convey emotion like wtf is reyna. also who is it at the end ooh ahh idk tune in next time man.