Do You Blame Yourself?

[Chapter 36] - The Home Stretch

Something clicked.

Not physically, just internally.

Something clicked that morning.

"All right, this time. You aren't gonna mess up." Kwazii stared at the ceiling.

Maybe he wasn't? Maybe he wasn't going to mess up this time. He was just so certain he was going to say the wrong thing or pull the wrong lever and accidentally pull wrong strings and ruin everything again.

Then yet again, he had already done all that yesterday.

Oh.

But that was yesterday? Right? No more sides, nothing bad.

Today was a new start. Apologies had been made, it was fine.

Right?

Totally.

It's all right. Calm down.

What if word had spread or something? What if people had found out?

Kwazii folded his pillow over his ears, as if that would drown out all the bad thoughts. He had no ideas as to how he could even explain how he felt to someone. It sounded normal and fine in his head, but when he had the opportunity to tell someone how he felt, it never came out.

He dug his hands into the pillow case, holding it closer and harder against his face. He was angry. Maybe he was sad? Disappointed? Even he didn't know.

This might have been the biggest mess up of his life.

But, he had to get back up. Get up on his feet again.

It was a new start. Things would be okay.

~

He was scared. Terrified, couldn't think straight... Kwazii has never thought straight in many ways, take that how you will, but he was in shambles. Did he want to face everyone after what he did?

He was making this sound like he had just murdered someone.

"Good morning, Kwazii."

...

"I can see you in the kitchen doorway, dummy. You can't hide that easily!" Peso said, laughing. "Oh, come on. Soften up a bit, please? It's all right, it's not the end of the world, everything's okay. What we said is forgiven and forgotten," he added, leaning closer to him.
"Not forgotten. You don't forget things."
"I do, too. Don't say that."

"Can you two please stop bickering like a old married couple? You do this all the time," Barnacles muttered, staring a hole into the table.
"One, how do you know that we're not a married couple already?" Kwazii asked, trying to latch onto Peso like some sort of koala bear.
"Get your legs away from me. Now," Peso demanded, reeling away.
"Okay then..." he lowered his leg, "two, how many hours of sleep did you get last night?"
"Eighty-two." the captain said. There was no way this man was not tired out of his mind.
"Eh, you forgot to add the negative before saying that, but honestly I'm not surprised."

~

"Peso. Peso, turn around." Kwazii stood just in front of the entrance of the sick bay.
"Yes? What's up?" He turned around like he said.
"I made- I made you this." He held out something that looked... oddly similar to the bracelets they had made during Kwazii's jellyfish sting recovery. "I used the um... I used the technique you taught me back in, uh, recovery," he said, swallowing hard.
"Oh! Oh, my gosh, you didn't have to do this! How did you get the rubber bands? The case has been in the sick bay since recovery," Peso asked.
"These are the ones I found, um, on the floor. They came from the bracelet that broke. I just tied them together, and boom!" Kwazii held it out slowly, almost as if he was afraid.

"You didn't have to do this though! Why did you do this? It's beautiful, but it's completely out of the blue, do you want something from me?" he questioned, sliding the bracelet onto his wrist.
"It's a bit of a... 'sorry' gift, I guess? You could say?"
"A 'sorry' gift? Everything's all right though."
"I know, I know. I just wanted to do that, and it turned into a 'sorry' gift," Kwazii said, shrugging.
"Look, everything starts out rocky. If our missions can start out rocky, both literally and figuratively speaking, and they turn out fine? What makes a relationship so different from that? I know we've got this. Don't you think so?"

...

"Yes, but I don't get one thing. Why am I so worried? I thought you were going to give me the cold shoulder!" he exclaimed.
"Kwazii. At this point, you're practically my boyfriend-"
"I'm your boyfriend?! You just gave me that honorable title?!"
"And I will not hesitate to take that back, so be careful with your power." Peso smacked him on the nose with the tips of his fingers.
"All right, that's easy, matey."

He pressed his forehead against Kwazii's chest. "I hope it's as easy as you say," Peso said, sighing.
"We'll be fine, I promise."
"Speaking of all this, can we talk? Just, about boundaries? Now that all this is happening, I think we need them most now."
"Yeah, obviously, that's fine. Come on, let's go. Hit me, what's up?"

Words: 835 Words
oh gosh does anyone even read my notes after? anyways, sorry for short chapter, im about to go on vacation and i couldn't just leave this here <3