KotLC One Shots

I Hate Myself

WARNING: This chapter contains minor spoilers for Legacy and books before and forgoes mentions of certain things that happened that I wish hadn't happened... again.

DISCLAIMER: All characters and locations belong to Shannon Messenger, author of KotLC

    Sophie sat in her room, head in her hands as tears slipped slowly down her cheeks.  Unmatchable... with humans, elves, the Lost Cities, the Forbidden Cities- where did she belong? 

    No where, a voice inside her whispered.  Unnaturally created, unnaturally powerful.  You don't belong here, you don't belong anywhere.  You've always suspected it, and here's the final proof.  You're unmatchable Sophie.  Unmatchable...

    There was a time when movies were made in black and white because the creators had not yet learned how to incorporate color.  That was how Sophie felt now.  As though she was in a world of black, white, and gray, in an endless stream of nothingness in which life had no meaning for there was no where within it that she belonged.  Color had fled and left her alone in the darkness.

    Alone... thought Sophie.  Alone to cry?  No, that's pathetic.  I have a purpose, a destiny and it's here.  In the Lost Cities.  I have to save them.  I'll always save them.  That will be my purpose, a thin thread of color which connects me to these people.  We don't match.  We never have and we never will.  Because I'm unmatchable- and I can accept that... I think.

    Sophie wiped the tears off her cheeks and sat up.  She was still wearing the same dress she'd worn to the matchmakers office three weeks ago and she was more than sick of it.  First things first.. she thought.  

    Sophie took a hot, steamy shower.  Shampooing her hair thrice to make up for lost time and letting the conditioner sit for a good ten minutes before rinsing it out.  She scrubbed her skin raw, emerging from the shower red and tingling.  Her eyes were puffy, but they looked a lot better than they had before her wash.  Sophie hastily ran a towel threw her hair and smiled at her reflection before pulling on an old, blissfully boring gray tunic and black tights.  Seeing a pair of gloves on the counter, Sophie's chest constricted and she threw them into a box which she promptly locked and put in the bottom drawer of her vanity.  She wanted to throw them away, but thought they might come in handy for missions.  So, she settled for giving the drawer a little kick and exiting the powder room.

    Now she had to go see Grady and Edaline.  

    They knew something was wrong, of course- their daughter hadn't come out of her room for three weeks!  So, they were very surprised when she came down the stairs with a sweet little smile on her face and asked how they were.

    "We're... fine, Sophie," said Grady, exchanging a worried glance with Edaline.  "But we're more concerned about you, Sophie.  What happened at the matchmakers?"

    Sophie gritted her teeth, barely managing to maintain her grin as she spun around to face them with a glass of juice in hand.  "Nothing of importance."

    "Nothing of importance!" Grady shouted just before Edaline rested a reassuring hand on his shoulder and shushed him.

    "What we mean to say, dear, is that we know something's wrong.  Please, tell us what it is- let us help."  Edaline said, attempting to smile but not quite managing it.

    Sophie sighed.  "I'm sorry for worrying you, really.  But I'm not lying when I say it's unimportant."

    "But-" Grady started.

    "Nothing important." Sophie repeated sternly.  She looked down at her glass and considered dumping the contents- but that would be suspicious.  She must act as though she was perfectly fine- as though nothing was wrong.  It would be difficult- especially around Keefe.  He would sense something was off with her.  But she knew she could do it.  It would just take some practice.

    Grady and Edaline were excellent practice.

    "Okay, well... we still want to know what happened," said Grady, stepping forward to touch Sophie's hand.

    She flinched.  "I'm sorry dad, but it's personal.  Not important- just personal and I really don't want to talk about it so just... just leave me alone, okay?  I love you, I love you both, but I need you to do this- please.  You've been so great and- and I just need a little more time before I share.  Trust me, this isn't life or death."  Just my heart... Sophie's mind couldn't help but add.

    Grady opened his mouth to speak but Edaline cut him off.  "Okay, Sophie," she said, nodding.  "I trust you."

    Sophie smiled.  "Thank you, mom."  She looked to Grady, who sighed.

    "You know I trust you, Sophie.  The question is, do you trust me?"

    Sophie bit her lip and looked to the floor.  "I do, daddy.  Really.  But I'm not ready to talk about this yet and I need you to understand that."

    Grady started to shake his head but when his eyes met Sophie's, still pink from crying and quickly welling with fresh tears, he nodded instead.  Sophie gave a nervous little laugh and hugged them both, lingering on Grady the longest.

    "Thank you," she breathed, before going out to face the world.  There were a few friends she had to face.

    Sophie had already spoken to them a few times with telepathic communication over the last few weeks.  She had considered using the Imparter, but then they would have seen her and... well, she wasn't exactly a pretty picture.  Even now Sophie felt nervous.  Fitz hadn't noticed anything wrong, but since she was about to tell him the truth and not to tell anyone only to be dumped- hence mourning her soon to be dead relationship beforehand.  She would talk to the others first- they didn't need to know, but they did need to see her.  The long absence had worried them, despite her keeping in contact.