ATEEZ Little Space

Oh Sannie, Baby (Part 1)

With comeback on the horizon, everyone was more stressed that usual. ATEEZ had been in a long practice today, going over the choreographies for FEVER, INCEPTION and THANXX. Lots of progress happened and everyone was glad that no major slip ups had happened. They were all tired though, the practice running two hours past the usual finish time.

San was especially tired. He hadn't slept very well last night. He also had another problem. He was an age regressor, and he hadn't regressed in over two months. It was mostly due to the comeback preparations, he felt like has had no time to himself lately, always with one or more of the other members. They don't know about his age regression.

It wasn't out of fear that San hadn't told them. He didn't think they'd hate him or anything, he'd actually overheard Yunho and Seonghwa talking about littles and how adorable they thought they'd be on a previous occasion and he was sure that the others would be just as accepting of him. He'd do the same for them.

He hadn't told them because he didn't want to be a burden. San actually hadn't told anyone about his regression. Ever. Not even his biological family knew he was a little. He didn't want ATEEZ to know because he didn't want them to stress about him, about how often he needed to be little and what he needed when he was in little space.

San had a system. He would regress in his room when Yunho was out, lock the door and not let anyone in. He'd learnt to come back up to big space easily, it was quite common for someone to knock on the door while he was little and they became quite concerned when he didn't answer him. He taught himself to be big for just enough time to answer the bandmate at the door and then fall right back into his happy space.

But he hadn't had enough time for even that recently. Yunho was always in the room with San, and if he wasn't it was never enough time for San to accomplish anything

So San had been more stressed because of the amount of time he'd spent big. He'd had to fight off his headspace multiple times, reminding himself of all the reasons he couldn't show the boys his little self.

But his resolve had started breaking. He needed to regress so badly. He wanted to feel the soft, happy feeling again. He had missed it so much.

As the eight band members stumbled through the doors of their apartment, San saw Yunho head straight to their bedroom, which is exactly what San had wanted to do. Everyone was loud, Seonghwa had dragged Mingi to the kitchen to order takeout for the group, Yeosang, Wooyoung and Jongho headed to the lounge and were arguing over what to watch as Hongjoong looked at San with a questioning gaze.

Hongjoong had noticed how sour the boy had been recently. San often had a far off gaze, looking like he wished that he could be anywhere else in the world other than the practice room. He had seen how San would deflate when he thought no one was looking, and how small he looked in those moments. He wasn't sure what was going on, but he hoped San would come to him or one of the others before he broke.

Snapping out of his daze, San met Hongjoong's questioning eyes and startled, "Did you ask me a question, hyung?"

"No, but I am wondering what you wanna do tonight? Are you gonna join the cuddle pile or hide in your room with Yunho?" Hongjoong replied, gesturing over to the three member cuddle pile that had taken residence on the couch. San looked over at the cuddle pile and seemed to tense, his eyes zoning out.

In his head San really wanted to join the cuddle pile, but he knew he'd end up regressing if he did. He was already struggling to hold back, the exhausting dance practice took so much of his energy he barely has enough to think. Looking back over to Hongjoong, the leader had a concerned look on his face, clearly waiting for San to say something.