kaeluc !!!!11!! kaeya x diluc xoxo

googoo gaagaa

it was a lovely day outside. birds singing, sun beaming beautifully in the sky, my lvl 70-smth ganyu killing them birds for fowl right in front of that weird kid on a bridge toby? uhhh tom? Tomas ? whatever his name is... albedo painting as usual, hutao scaring qiqi away because shes bored.. i mean qiqi would just forget so- and zhongli shaking his booty for mora. he even makes music out of his own rattle tattling crackling bones while shaking his booty and belly dancing. 

ah what a great time to be in mondstat. comin back from throwing mora at zhongli in liyue. its quite the walk but its worth it. 

lets see what is happing in the tave-

[distant shouting and yelling and screaming]

''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA''

''FREEZE''

''DONT GET FROST BITE''

''BURN''

''TIME FOR RESTREBUTION ''

''DODGE THIS''

''YAHO WOULDNT GLIDING BE FASTER''

just a everyday thing i hear them shouting this every single time diluc is behind the counter i wonder why lol im never really in the tavern in the mornings lets check it out ig-

opens door to tavern

everyone is sitting down drinking like nothing happened??? ok.

diluc: hi what u want today

me: idk 

kaeya: youre underage 

me: fu just give me apple cider

diluc: ok

kaeya: haha u underage bith hows the weather down there shorty hhaa

diluc: kaeya u rat fat fuck that has stinky peeny willy that stinks like spoiled cottage cheese build like an oompa loompa body ass bitch dont be mean to my custumers u fat achoholic fuck 

kaeya: fatherless behaviour

diluc: you wanna go

kaeya: go where

diluc: to see your dad 

kaeya: which dad

diluc: ...

kaeya: fatherless behaviour

diluc: i fucking hate you u stinky fuck istg i should of ended u long ago i hate u sm 

kaeya: fatherless behaviour

diluc: FUCK OFF 

me: ok so like wheres my drink

kaeya: yeh diluc wheres their drink you slacker lolollolloololololololol

diluc: you;re a slacker yourself u fat fuck 

kaeya: dont body shame hashtag body positivity

diluc: you know what atleast your mum wasnt a slacker in bed why arent u more like her

kaeya: mmp-m-m-mm--m-m-m-m-mummy??Y? nWAAAAAAAA AHAAAA WAAAAAAAA

diluc: oh dear god

venti: wouldnt gliding be faster

diluc: wouldnt fucking off be faster

venti: fatherless behaviour

kaeya: THATS MY BOY

diluc: KAEYA YOU--- *breathes in and out* heres your order 

me: ty *drinks all in one go*

me: so like are u like together or like

diluc: thats my brother u stu- 

kaeya: LOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL ME WITH HIM? NAW tho he is rich i want mora give me mora pls im your brother give me mora

diluc: if you werent a spy and stuff maybe i would of given u mora but nooooo

kaeya: fuk u i ahte you ok give me more wine NOW

diluc: no

venti: give me instead

diluc: no glide yourself out of the tavern u stupid fuck shorty  leprechaun lookin ass bitch

venti: ok *glides out*

me: imma go too...

diluc: PAY

me: ok *gives 1 mora*

diluc: are u kidding me bitch istg i will end u right here right now u cunt

me: ok i recorded u imma send this to jean

diluc: NOOOO NONO 

kaeya: send me it 

me: ok

diluc: WHAT NO

me: now we can blackmail u or whatever its called

kaeya: give me wine or i will show jean

diluc: well fuck me

kaeya: no thanks

me: not with that big ass forehead

Kaeya: HASHAHAHAHAHA

*goes out of tavern*

ah what a lovely time i had haha-- why is venti on that statues head how did he get up there...