After all this time

C H A P T E R 1

'There will always be
a reason why you
meet people.  Either
you need them to
change your life or
You're the one that
will change theirs...'

Amaya disliked two kinds of people. One those who have opinion about anything and everything. Exactly like the aunty sitting in the next table, kept glancing at her and giving her a once over, contemplating how disheveled she looked. Amaya wasn't looking the best either. Her long frizzy hair sticked out due to the humidity in the air and her white top and long pink skirt was creased had seen better days.

The second kind is those who are unable to achieve their dreams even though the chance was placed on their hand in a platter. Just like her.  She squeezed the half filled water bottle involuntarily.  The tea stall, she was sitting in, wasn't busy at all. Except for her and that aunty, rest of the place was empty.
She didn't want to think about how she had failed yet again, after going through a lot even thought it was the only thing in her mind for the past one hour.
She shook her head in frustration. There's no way she had scored enough points in her speaking test to make it to the list. IELTS exam itself takes a lot of money and she had to save up for months to take the exam. She had worked her ass off for the past few months along with taking coaching classes. However, the emotional outburst she had while answering a simple question, she had sabotaged herself. The anger, shame and helplessness , it was so overwhelming that she could feel her pulse racing. 'I need to go, get out of here' she muttered to herself and stood up to do just the same. She paid for her water bottle and waddled out of the shop.

It was a sunny day. She felt like sun was chasing her down with all the heat and she just melted. Her white top clinged to her due to sweat and she was thirsty again by the time she reached at the bus station. Her water bottle was empty by the time she reached there.

Amaya was having a difficult time to find the bus that will take her away from all the noises around her. The buzz of the crowd , scorching heat and smell of too many people along with their sweat in one place, she could hardly stand anymore. The day had started better with so many hopes and wishes,  but it went in an absolute wrong way,  that she was tired of it.
Like the universe is conspiring against her as it had always been doing, nothing worked out the way she had wished. The bitterness filled her thoughts and she could almost feel it in her mouth. Her eyes searched the digital board that displayed the timing of buses desperately. There's one in next thirty minutes, she sighed in relief. As she sat down on a chair , her hands searched unconsciously in her bag for an old crumpled copy of ' Hiraeth.' The word itself meant something indescribable like longing or missing something like a home or person.
Maybe because it was that what comforted her, she knew she was missing something. The longing is there and it was so complex to put into words and explain, that she preferred to keep it inside her. It was like a dull ache behind her bones that constantly reminded her that she was struggling. However, the book was a comfort, almost like a memoir written by someone who had been through such a feeling of yearning in his own life.

She had picked this book up while she was in college , just because the writer looked young and handsome. Her life was much simpler back then, when the world looked promising and filled with options and opportunities. How naive of her to have such an optimistic sense about her future. When she read the book for the first time all she thought was 'aw..this is so dorky. Why so much gloom in a book. ' she didn't even try to finish reading it at first .
Then life changed around her , everything became difficult even existing. Eventually she found herself curled up with the book ,resonating herself with each and every word. Since then, it's a comfort place like having someone who could sympathise with her. She ran her finger through the spine of the old paper back and took a long deep breath. She could picture herself reading the book again at night today so that she could lull herself into a sleep. She opened the first page, as she have done numerous times in the past, looked at the picture of the author. It's a black and white picture, a cute guy with spectacle and dimple smiled at her. The familiarity of the picture brought a bit of relief to her, she could anchor herself for a moment before floating away into all her chaos.