CHAPTER FIVE
Present
June 3rd 2021
11:43 AM
Maia sits alone at lunch the next day and contemplates the jagged, broken wrongness of the world.
(She contemplates it because contemplating about other things - like the pleasure she felt when exacting Leonie's revenge, the pleasure she felt when she let those false, false words slip past her lips - only sends her already spiralling existence onto an even more dangerous path)
She contemplates a reality that shifted just a tiny bit to the side when a sweet, caring girl with dirty-blonde hair and dimples didn't make it out of a burning house in time.
(Her absence is stark and noticeable even now - because while Jules and Annalise and Lucy still sit together, a perfect trio, Maia stays all by herself and she knows, she just knows, that if Leonie were here she would come and join her)
She contemplates a red-haired girl who always stares at her with an undercurrent of simmering anger, broken in a different way than Maia - because Renata Flint doesn't lash out, doesn't tear herself apart from within.
Renata waits, and it makes her terrifying.
(Because Maia can tell herself all she wants that Renata didn't have that gleam in her eye when she watched Jay and Eddie scream who-tattled accusations at each other in the hallway yesterday afternoon, eventually resorting to hitting and red-faced swearing, but she did and it makes her terrifying.)
She contemplates a feeling called remorse, a feeling called guilt. She contemplates the normalcy of hearing the voice of your best friend when she is already dead.
She contemplates when Juleen Caylin stands up from her table with a determined look in her eyes. Sweet, black-haired Lucy is quick to follow, and while not many people pay much attention to them - after all, Jules migrates the cafeteria all the time, searching for new people to gossip with - Maia does.
Renata does.
The ceiling of the cafeteria is a dark blue.
It is Leonie's favorite color - the color of raging waves tumbling against sea-worn rocks that jut out from the ocean like sentinel towers.
(Maia knows it's Leonie's favorite color because Leonie said so one day: blue is my favorite color, Maia - like your eyes, and the cafeteria's ceiling)
(Renata doesn't, because Leonie told Renata that her favorite color was red, the color of Renata's hair)
Juleen Caylin's fingernails are purple when she slides into the seat next to Maia's and sets one hand on the grey-topped table.
"Maia." She says, calmly, firmly. Lovely little Lucy seats herself too, as if either of them have any right to be there. "You're closing yourself off - that can only hurt you, you know that, right?"
Maia stays silent.
"Maia, I know she was your friend -"
"Shut up."
"You're not being nice." Something inside of Jules's carefully constructed smile wavers. "You're usually so nice."
"I'm not." Quick, sharp answers, meant to convey what should be obvious: you're not wanted.
"So it's guilt?"
"Shut up."
"I heard you were the one to call the fire department." Jules's mask is sympathetic now. "That must've been hard. But it isn't your fault. There's nothing you could have done."
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