HEROES

HERE FOR YOU

He was only a baby... Why people are so mean?

This is Ludi Lin, who is my "half-brother". His story is so sad. His parents were murdered by the chinese mafia. My mom used to say that his dad was addicted to gambling, so he lost all his bets and could not pay.

That's the reason why the mob came after him. His mom was the first to get killed, she was shot from behind, with a shotgun that put a hole on her back through her chest.

His father was way much worse: the gangsters took all of his money, jewelry, etc. They shot him down after they humiliated him, pissed on him, puked and tortured the chinese man. Mom knows about the details of what happened to the man. Then, she saved baby Ludi in the middle of the house on fire.

But how?

Mom was coming home from my grandma's and she heard a baby crying. She saw a house in flames, from our neighbour, mr. Lin. She heard the baby almost breathless crying. Mom quickly climbed the stairs and entered into his bedroom, the only one that didn't have fire spread all over. She grabbed the poor chinese baby, a paper next to his pillow and ran away home. That paper was his birth certificate.

Okay. That was the mother fuckers trying to clean this up. The chinese tong is named Kang, because its boss is called like that.

I was one year old only and when I saw the baby for the first time, my eyes started to shine.
- Hey, my love, look. It's your brother now. What do you think about calling him... No, wait. He has a name. Look at his small bracelet. The baby's name is Ludi. Ludi Lin, perhaps.
- Ludi? I like it mama. Can I play with him?
- Not yet, he is too small. When you two get older it will happen.

It actually happened! We were very close to each other when we were kids, we played videogames every day, used to study at the same school... We even made some martial marts together. I never thought about Ludi as a brother, to be honest, but as a close friend. I loved him. A lot.
The problem is, when he was 16 years old, his uncle took him to Vancouver, Canada. I don't know why yet.

I lived with mom in Portland, Oregon. My dad passed away when I was younger. Ludi was raised by dad equally as me, like he raised me. His death brought me so much suffering, but Ludi was there for me...

I missed him so much! Why did you have to go, Ludi?

Well, I had to move on somehow. I didn't like the girls from my school. I was always the chubby chick mocked by the beautiful girls. But... There was this one friend at school that I always defended from the bullies, because he was more bullied than me.
- I'm here for you, kid. - That was the first line I talked to him.
His name is Iko and he is indonesian. He was gentle with me, so I decided to be his friend. Some girls kept telling everyone that he was my boyfriend... And making everyone laugh at us. That sucked so much... I was almost thinking about leaving school and study at home.

But I never thought about dating Iko.

Iko and I were always practicing martial arts at school, and after too, in a gym. Mom was concerned about me, because I got a little obsessed with this thing of martial arts. Well, that was the only thing that kept my mind away from the bullies, from my dad passing away... From Ludi going away. I was pretty good, but Iko... Well, he was impressive!

One day, on friday, Iko invited me to play some videogame in his place. Back in the day, the PS2 was the most popular game and I was playing Tekken 5 with him.
- I will play with Hwoarang! - Iko said.
- Let me kick your ass with Nina Williams! - I said.
We had a couple of rounds and he won some and lost some too. Could not count how many versus games we played, all we could do is laugh and have fun. After that we decided to try another game, it was Resident Evil 4.

It was about time to get back to my house... It was late! Thank God there are cabs near where Iko lives.
- Thank you for everything, Iko. You are my best friend!
- You are welcome, Amanda.
- See you tomorrow at muay thai classes?
- Yes, but first I need to do this.
- What?
After that, I felt something weird. Iko grabbed my hand and pulled me next to him and we kissed each other.

That was my first kiss. Maybe Iko's too.

I went away without saying a word. Why did he do that? He liked me for real? That's not good, I am his friend only. But why I kissed him back?

Two years later, we were 18 years old. Iko took his drivers license so he could drive his late father's car. He took me to the movie theater, to watch some horror movie I don't remember right now. All I remember is Iko asking me to be his girlfriend.

I said yes. Why not? He was always so nice to me. He was my first kiss. And my first fuck as well - it was after we left the theater. It was awkward, because we both were new in sex, but I tried my best.

But I always felt like some part of me was missing. Iko loves me, and I love him too. Still...

I really wanted to see Ludi again. I was missing him so much that all of it got me confused. And he always had the best answer to everything...