Past The Storm Clouds

Chapter 21

Warning: scenes not suitable for underage audience.

"And why does journalism interest you?"

I squinted my eyes, not having any answer at all. Bakit ko nga ba biglang nagustuhan ang journalism? It interests me so much that even when I chose a degree that is far from it, I was able to draw a connection between the two. 'Yun ang sinusubukan kong gawin. I would like to connect all my ambitions.

Say, if I have a business, I can be an investor, a broker, a journalist, and so much more! Although it will wear me out... Hmm! I don't care. Mas gugustuhin ko rin namang maging busy kaysa sa walang ginagawa. Because being busy gives me peace which is odd by the way.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Ewan ko, Jaze."

"Gusto mo ring maging reporter, 'di ba?" ani Jaze at tinanguan ko siya. "It makes me curious why you didn't choose it."

"Tingin ko lang ay mas beneficial if involve ang business so I prioritized it."

"Ang dami mo naman kasing gusto sa buhay," he chuckled a bit teasingly. "Pwede ka nang tularan."

Humalukipkip ako. "Noon ba, bawal?"

He shrugged slowly. "You weren't as serious as you are now."

Pinanliitan ko siya ng mga mata. Alam ko 'yun. Napapansin ko rin ang sarili ko. I'm self-aware! One thing I'm trying to work on is myself. I am hoping to better improve in all aspects. Fix how I think, how I act, how I do everything. Binabago ko ang sarili ko para mismo sa sarili ko. Mahirap nga lang talaga gawin. I still think I'm not the major problem, alright! I'm just not.

Dumistansya muna ako kay Ljard para makapag isip-isip. My reasons were the same—that I'm busy. Sa halos mag-iisang buwan na hindi ako nagparamdam sa kanya, siguro ay napansin niya na dahil hinintay niyang matapos ang klase ko para lang piliting magkita kami. He always asks first if I'm occupied or not in the mood to go out. He does the adjustments. Kumpara sa akin, minsan ko lang 'yun gawin sa kanya.

Sa tatlong taon na nagdaan, hindi kaya siya napapagod? I don't understand how he can be so patient with me when I know to myself, I'm not easy to handle. He doesn't even complain. Perhaps not directly? Ano kayang iniisip niya? What does he think of me?

"May ginagawa ka?" He sounded desperate and yet he looked blasé.

Tumayo ako at umiling. "Hi, uh... wala naman. later na 'to. Date?" I tried not to sound guilty.

"Where do you want us to go?" Kinuha niya ang document pouch ko at tiningnan muna ako. His eyes seemed gloomy and it was as if he was stopping himself from saying more.

"Saan ba gusto natin? Same place?" sabay kapit ko sa braso niya, patagong humihiling na sana ay huwag akong bumitaw.

"We'll go there then," marahang sabi niya. He continued to look at me longingly.

Ngumiti ako. "Habang tumatagal, nag-iiba ka na."

"Because you make me age fast," he joked lightly.

"Halata nga. You look old," I giggled.

"No, I don't," agap niya at hinila pa ako palapit sa kanya. "You look like my baby, though."

I wiggled my eyebrows. "I'll call you daddy then?"

He scoffed, his stare burning deeply into mine. I shrugged my shoulders, masking my expression with innocence. I thought it was easy to fool myself that things are going great, but I was secretly still behind closed doors. Under the counter, trying to set boundaries and save me while I can. Masaya kami kapag magkasama, hindi ko 'yun itatanggi. Kaya saan ba ang mali?