"She lied. She always did."
***
"Broken ka ba?" Dior teased, his voice almost inaudible.
He received no response from me since my attention remained on the girl who was dancing like a lunatic in the middle of the dance floor. It only shifted when Dior's slender and pale fingers cupped the glass of wine I was holding.
Because of what he did, I tilted my head in his direction, ready to rant at him but with the loud music still blasting through the speakers, I only ended up caressing my temple.
"You should go home," aniya sa nag-aalalang tono na ngayon. Napaayos ako ng tayo at agad na nag-posing sa harap niya. I changed the camera settings.
"Picture muna tayo." I grinned.
Dazzling lights directed in my direction irritated my eyes as I tried to keep my sanity intact for a simple posing but sights of insolent couples flirting in almost every corner of this bar pissed me off. Pinilit ko si Dior na sumama sa akin dahil mamamatay na ako kung mananatili lang ako sa condo o opisina!
Gusto ko sanang gumala-gala pero wala akong kasama dahil busy ang mga tao sa edad na 'to. Not that it is a big deal to me because I could care less. Even so, since Dior made an effort to make a presence, I'm grateful for that. I'm supposed to be busy, too, but I dragged myself out of all the responsibilities I have! That is self-care and it is necessary. Minsan lang naman 'to.
"Kilala kita, Farizah," Dior reminded me.
"Really, ayos lang ako. My blood seems to flow freely in my veins and my heart is still beating normally. Mga hundred beats per minute," I specified in sarcasm as I took out some dirt from his beige shirt even when there was none.
He watched me worriedly, scared that I might pass out any moment now. I didn't actually drink any alcohol. Just wine. No matter how I tell this man beside me that I am alright, he'd think I'm lying. Like before. He was always there for me, until now.
I shook my head repeatedly, my diamond hoop earrings bouncing along. Ngunit panay titig pa rin sa akin si Dior na para bang ako na ang dakilang sinungaling sa mundo.
"Hatirin na kita."
Umiling ako. "No need, Dior. Mamaya pa ako uuwi kaya mauna ka na. You have projects."
"Are you sure? You didn't bring your car," his concern.
"Marunong naman akong mag-commute, para namang 'tong ano. And besides, I'm tipsy, not drunk." I playfully rolled my eyes at him.
"Don't order any drinks anymore, Farah. Text me if you still need a ride o kahit kapag nakauwi ka na," he instructed, slowly.
Wanting this to be over and done, I nodded at him and watched him leave. Well, I admit, maybe I purposely did not tell any of my other friends that I was going out. I don't see the point why I should anyway because they rejected my invitation once and mind you, I certainly do not like repeating what I said. It makes me look desperate.
That leads me here now, sitting all alone on a boring and cheap plain bar stool. Th staff are cheaper.
Tumayo na lang ako at lumabas na ng bar kahit hindi pa sa akin naibibigay ang order ko. Hindi rin naman ako nagbabayad pa. I made an eye roll as I wore my leather jacket back on to lessen skin exposure that this sling dress is allowing. I will give this freaking bar a one-star rating! Ang bagal mag serve ng orders pero makatitig, ang tagal.
I certainly acknowledge my beauty and it is rare to see someone as hot as me around here, but they have to stop staring.
"Oh, Farizah..." A pitchy voice from my left said. Nilingon ko kung sino man iyon.
"Hi, Camilla..." I smiled bitterly before languidly tilting my head to look at the person next to her. "And Ljard."
His face remained blank and he only looked at my shadow with apathy. Lost for a moment, my eyes peeked at their intertwined hands but I immediately brought it back up to them. Pilit akong ngumiti sa kanila. Ano ba kasi 'yan, gusto ko lang ng tahimik na buhay! Is it really necessary to slap me over and over again with reality?
"You look very dashing! May kasama ka?" Camilla asked. May nakikita ka? Nagtatanong pa.
"Umalis na. I'll also be on my way." Don't you dare try to strike up a conversation with me!
"Ingat ka." Ngumiti siya sa akin. Oo, nag-iingat ako. Just look where it got me.
"Okay. Ciao." My eyes widened and I tried to make it sound casual. "I mean, you know, babye."
Camilla flashed a small smile, but I did not. Neither did Ljard. How funny. Ang dating pinagseselosan ko, girlfriend niya na ngayon. At sa harap ko pa talaga sila nagbubulungan na parang mga tanga. I pursed my lips and left without another word.
I should probably go back to my office. After all, the only one I can rely on is myself. My company is on the run and with a few more steps, I'll get there. I don't need anyone who makes me feel like crap. Hindi ko kailangan ang sino man na walang magandang ambag sa buhay ko.
"Farizah," tawag ni Ljard sa likod habang patuloy ang lakad ko. Hinarap ko agad siya at nagkunwaring hindi naaapektuhan. Hindi naman talaga. Huh, why would I be affected? He's not special.
"Oh?" I casually said. Wala siyang sinabi kaya hindi ko na napigilan ang magpaikot ng mga mata. "Ano? Uuwi na ako."
"Your car is not around—" I cut him off with a chuckle.
"I can manage kaya bumalik ka na kay Camilla. As if I don't know how to commute," sabi ko at handa na sanang umalis nang magsalita muli siya.
"Who were you with? Hindi ka man lang hinatid pauwi? Or did you let your pride handle it again?" seryoso niyang tanong.
I gritted my teeth, annoyed at what he said and annoyed at his presence. "Pake mo ba?! I said I know how to commute! Are you deaf or something?"
He stared at me. Nothing new, still the same expression. "You still can't commit until now, huh?"
"Anong connect?" pagtaas ko ng kilay sa kanya.
"I wonder, too." He smirked with no humor.
I am trying to remind myself to become more rational and refrain from encouraging an argument with him like what a child or an immature person would do. I hate it when I fail to do that.
"Did you actually fall in love with me that deep na hindi mo matanggap?" I sneered with confidence and smiled sweetly when I got what he meant. "You and Camilla over there have it anyway. Noon pa man, 'di ba?"
His jaw clenched at what I said and his brows furrowed. Tinalikuran ko na siya at binilisan ang lakad. Mabuti na lang at hindi na siya sumunod pa kaya nakahinga na ako nang maluwag. I did not dare look back. Whatever he does, shouldn't matter to me. Wala ako sa lugar para makialam at wala naman talaga akong pakialam.
There are things in life that are better left unsaid and avoided. The past is one of those. Not everything needs to be said, and true enough, I stand by this. Because it was never mutual. We never had something in common, so eventually, it all came to an end.
"Ginusto ko 'to..." I convinced myself for the nth time, praying that tonight will be the last.
Pero sa huli, alam kong ako ang talo. Dahil lumingon muli ako... at wala na siya roon.
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Again, this story includes mature content and the female lead's mindset may not pass your ideal standards. It might piss you off. ><
BINABASA MO ANG
Past The Storm Clouds
RomanceBittersweet Series #2. "She was the storm he wished he could tame... He wished he could calm." Farizah, who spends her life chasing highs, doesn't like slow, moderate, or gentle movements. Time is gold, time is precious that she can never take back...