Twenty - The Darkness of the Soul

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Emmeline

After our second son's birth, Tom changed again. He would disappear into his study for long periods of time, some days not even emerging for meals. I tried to busy myself with little Philip — because from the moment he looked into my eyes, I knew that would be his name — even if once again, I was worried for Tom.

As for Eddie, now a year old and walking short, bandy-legged distances by himself, he wouldn't give me a minute's peace. Somehow he must have known that the appearance of his brother meant I would have less time for him. He would seek us out, whether we were in the drawing room or in the garden, holding tight to Mrs Shute's hand for balance but immediately letting go to grasp at my skirt.

"This is your brother, Eddie," I would say, lowering myself to his level so he could have a look at him. "This is Phil."

He, of course, would have none of it. Instead he ignored Phil completely and tried to clamber into my arms as well. He must have known that once his baby brother arrived, we would no longer be able to dedicate all of our time to him. At that point I would have to pass Phil to Mrs Shute before I dropped him and pick up my firstborn, mostly to reassure him that yes, Mummy still loved him too.

Tom managed to put in an appearance at Phil's christening, but did not stay long like he had last time. As concerned as I was, I could not abandon the guests. Especially when Lady Violet found me, a young dark-haired girl trailing slightly behind.

"Many congratulations, Lady Dorchester," she said, giving me the customary air-kiss on both cheeks. When I gave her a confused look in return — she'd never addressed me that way — she hurried to explain. "My cousin, Miss Verity Newton, is visiting us from London for the summer. She is not yet of age, but I must show her how things are done. Especially in terms of manners."

At the sound of her name, Miss Newton dropped into a curtsey. "How do you do, milady."

I gave her an incline of my head, just as I noticed Lord Radford making his way towards us. Phil squirmed and I readjusted him, right as Radford came up between the two ladies. His eyes were a fair light blue, the colour of the sky over the sea at first light, and as they landed on my newborn son they warmed.

"Milady," he said with a bow, kissing my hand. "I must congratulate you on the arrival of your son. He is already a handsome little lad."

"Lord knows you should," said Lady Violet, shaking his elbow. "We are the reason for your continued existence."

"Most assuredly, my darling." He took her hand and kissed it as well. "We have all women to thank for our presence here, do we not?"

When he went to escort the two ladies away, I stopped him. "Lord Radford, wait a moment."

"What is it, milady?" His expression turned concerned when he noticed mine. "What's the matter?"

"I'm worried about Tom," I said, letting it leak into every word. "I have not seen him for two consecutive hours since Phil was born. He shuts himself in his study most of the time now."

"Does he?" Lord Radford's brow furrowed. "Then perhaps I will have a word with him and get to the bottom of it. Typical behaviour for him, of course, but not at all appropriate. Is there anything you would like me to tell him when I do?"

"Only that I worry about him."

"Certainly." He smiled, just a small, close-lipped one, and gave my hand another gentle kiss. Then he was gone.

I went about searching for a place to sit. I was still a bit weak from the birth, which I knew was a remnant of the fever. Even though it was months past now, there was a lingering weariness that had not left me. And that was when none other than Dr Braithwaite found me, standing a bit apart from the gathering by the window. I'd set my son down in his bassinet, and he fell asleep within seconds. It was such a stark change from Eddie, who'd squalled every time I attempted to lay him down for a nap. He was still squalling now, although he seemed to have grown out of midday naps by now.

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