Maybe This Is Love, |✔️

The letter

Dearest Blair Bear,

By the time you read this, I'll be long gone and this will be my goodbye. For so long, I've been struggling with this disease and it's been affecting my family. I can't bear to see the pain I've caused you all. There are days when I'm at war with my own mind, fighting against the demons that plague me and I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough to beat them.

I've lost the motivation to continue. I'm sure at your age this may appear selfish and inconsiderate and maybe it is. The mental pain I feel is overwhelming and I fear one day it'll swallow me up and I'll end up being an empty shell of my former self.

Before I met Pops, I was terrified of having children. I thought as a gay man, it would even be less likely that I would run into such a predicament but then I fell in love. I fell in love with Harry and I also fell in love with the idea of having my own family one day with him. So we did it. We had you and we adopted Silas.

The day you opened your eyes in that hospital bed awoke a fire in me. I knew then just what my purpose was and what I was called to this earth to do. I was here to protect you and your brother. I just didn't realise I was meant to protect you from myself.

Those were the best years of my life, Blair Bear. But then, of course, good things don't always last. I began to feel worthless, I felt like I was a terrible father and a terrible husband. I didn't deserve to have such a wonderful family with such a loving and understanding partner.

I tried to tell myself that it was just one of my episodes and that I will get over it soon but each time it got worse and worse.
It became so overwhelming to the point that I felt as if I was suffocating.

I suppose what I'm asking for is your forgiveness. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough for you. I'm sorry I didn't fight harder. I'm sorry I left.

One day when the time is right we will reunite. I look forward to that day, my sweetheart.

Forever in your heart,
Papa