Remember You (Larry Stylinson)

~7~

After he had told me he has leukaemia, I was determined to make sure he completed
everything on his bucket list.

"So far on the list, you've tried: Playing the piano, eating dinner inside a treehouse, making homemade ice cream, completing a puzzle, going bowling for the first time, holding a baby, camping outside and making smores, making a flower crown, uhhh..." I cut myself off as I read through what was left. The list was almost completely done, because of things he's already done before telling me the truth.

"The list seems to be almost done. There's like- 6 things left." I tell him.

"What's next on it?" He asks.

"Watching the sunset." I answered.

"That's one I've been wanting to do for the longest!" He confesses, happily.

"Now you can. what time is it?" He looks over at the clock on the table beside my bed.

"6:45."

"Thankfully it sets officially at 8. Let's go now whilst it's still light out." He nods, and we get ready to head out. Harry preferred we go to the beach, and bring blankets and snacks in case we get hungry.

We sat on the blankets on the sand and ate pretzels.

"So, why didn't you tell me? you waited all this time." I ask him.

"I just didn't want the sympathy. It's just that I don't like it when anyone treats me as if I'm weak and can't do anything, or be nice and gentle with me just because I have leukaemia, or look at me in a way where they feel sorry for me. I also didn't want to hurt you." He frowns at the last part.

"But at least you told me instead of keeping it longer than that." I said.

"I still feel bad for not telling you sooner, and seeing you cry that day made me feel so guilty. I couldn't sleep that night, I felt terrible." He admits.

"It's fine, love. I'm sorry you felt terrible. Hearing that your boyfriend has cancer is never something you expect to hear, but I understand why you kept it a secret." I replied.

"I know, It's not something you would want to hear at all. I was going to tell you at some point though, but I just didn't know how. It's hard
telling someone you love, something like this." He says.

"I understand, really." I smile reassuringly at him. He smiles back and leans in to kiss me gently.

The sun was beginning to set, and we were now laying down on the blankets and cuddling, looking up at the sky.

"You know what the saddest poem ever written is?" He suddenly asks me.

"Hm?" I mumble in response, cuddled up against him.

"Spring And Fall."

"What is it about?" I ask curiously.

"This little girl named, Margaret. She's crying over the falling leaves, but it's deeper than that really." He starts, and I listen silently as he speaks.

"Whilst she's grieving over the falling leaves, she doesn't understand her own mortality, and will not understand it until later on in her life. She doesn't know the meaning of death, it being because of her young innocence." He explains.

"I guess it is a lot deeper. Why is it called Spring And Fall, though?"

"I believe the author explained that Spring in the title, suggests both the season of growth and The Garden of Eden in the Bible. That Margaret represents Spring, and that Fall - being when leaves fall of course - suggests Adam's fall, the penalty of Adam for eating the forbidden fruit. Overall, the title is about coming to terms with your own mortality and death." The last part made some realisation come to me. I began to understand why he brought it up.

I don't know if I should mention it, or keep quiet. Should I? I thought. My mind went to the song he wrote those lyrics from in his journal. I listened to it and it mentions the word "Death" Which makes me believe that was a hint I didn't notice, especially after what he said.

"I don't know the meaning, but it and the song itself, spoke to me in a way that I feel I can relate to."

"Wow, ummm...that- that does kind of make it sad. I haven't read it, but I see why it's probably the saddest poem ever written." I said, trying not to make it sound like I just drifted off for a second.

"Yep." He replies.

Soon after, we continued to watch the sunset. It was beautiful and something I've never done either. I look down and notice him trying to keep his eyes open.

"Are you tired?"

"Mhmm." He mumbles in response.

"Let's head back." I suggest. We gather our things, and head back to my house.

• • •

It was when his hair started falling out, that I knew. We'd been together for almost 7 months at this time, and he'd asked me to shave it for him. It had hurt a lot knowing what was coming, but I tried to be strong for him.

"What are you doing?" He asks me as I brought the razor above my head.

I ignore him and began shaving my head with the razor. I try to hold back my tears as I do it. I didn't stop until all the hair was gone.

When done, Harry just stares at me in shock, not expecting me to have done something like that.

"Lou..." He couldn't find the words to say, as
he's too shocked to even say anything.

"You- you didn't have to do that." He tells me.

"I wanted to." I tell him.

"Lou- I can't believe you did that, wha-?" I just leaned down and cut him off with a kiss.

We pull away, and Harry still looks disapproved, but smiled softly.

I look in the mirror at my appearance. I didn't have any hair at all and have no regrets.

"I think you still look beautiful." He compliments. "But you're still crazy." He adds, making me chuckle lightly.

"Lou?"

"Yes, Haz?"

"Remember that day at the playground, on the swings?" He recalls.

"Yes?" I replied.

"Promise me you will do as I said. Promise me you will try to find peace and happiness. No matter how hard it is or how much it hurts, promise me you will try." He begs with hopeful eyes.

I look into his hopeful eyes and nod. "I promise."

He smiles at me, and brings me in for a quick peck on the lips. I lean down on the little chair he was sitting on, and wrap my arms around him.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Hope you liked this chapter!