Distraction

碧

碧. 

It can be read as "Midori." It can be read as "Aoi." Midori is usually the more feminine of the two names and is fresh like a blossoming field. It's sweet, like Dango and elegant like a cup of matcha. Aoi is the more masculine of the readings. Strong like the sea, playful like a river, yet mysterious like the sky. Two names. One Kanji.

Back then, I always thought my name was best as "Midori." My hair was long, my face was clean, but my fingers and hands were always covered in ink. There was no getting around that with the amount of writing I did. I wore long flowing skirts and cute tops. The only boyish thing I wore was the baseball cap that I was given by my lifelong friend. The captain of his team also offered me a jacket when it got cold, but it swallowed me whole. It was full of warmth, but I was drowning in an ocean of fabric.

On the days I wore that large jacket, my breath could be seen as I loudly cheered for my junior high team. The Chiba prefecture never had cold days like in Hokkaido or other northern regions, but some days were chillier than others.

That day, I needed the jacket. The sky was ominous, and the chill of winter approached.

I should have listened to that darkness in the air. I should have gone home and stayed there. Maybe my world would still be a spring green.

I ruffle my hair, letting all the loose strands of freshly cut blonde hair fall to the ground. In my hands are a pair of scissors, and on the ground are the locks of the past. Mom is going to be so pissed when she sees it, but she won't see it for a while. She's currently on a business trip in America, and I'm leaving for Tokyo today.

"I hope it's not too uneven..." I muse. I've been practicing this on wigs for weeks, spending all my allowance on cheap wigs that get chopped to bits. I glance at the last, higher-quality wig. It's shoulder-length and dark brown. Plain. Just how I want it. I gently place it into a wig bag, along with a brown eyebrow pencil. I then placed the bag in a zipped part of my suitcase, being extra paranoid about hiding it. In the zipper compartment, I also placed my new school uniform, and some chest binders I found online. The rest of the suitcase is filled with athletic and boyish clothes.

A new era of blue.

After zipping up the suitcase, I clean up the mess I made from chopping all my hair off to be a boyish pixie cut and drag my things downstairs. On the table, a pair of letters is waiting for me. One addressed to a sweet little girl, the other addressed to a mysterious boy. I snatch both but stick the green letter into my computer bag. Midori doesn't exist right now. She has been stuffed down beneath an ocean blue, where she can't be a distraction.

"Hello!" a taxi cab driver welcomes me as I step outside. "You must be erm..." He struggles to read the Kanji in my name. I smile and resolve my decision.

"Aoi!" I say. The cab driver nods and opens his trunk, and allows me to place my bags in the back.

"Heading for the train station are ya? You seem young! Are you heading off to high school?" He makes sure my bags are secure before closing the trunk. I nod and enter the back of the lemon yellow cab. The driver sits in the front seat, putting the taxi into drive.

"Yep, I'm heading to Tokyo!" I chat happily, attempting to practice my new more masculine form. First I widen my stance, slouching a bit as my legs take up the entire seat.

No, that's too wide.

I attempt to close it a bit, feeling rude to take up space.

No, that's too feminine.

"Tokyo! That's a long way away little lad!" the driver laughs. "What are you going to a private school all the way there for? Do you play sports?" I smile as he refers to me as a boy. I'm passing.

"Actually I write about sports. I'm in a sports journalism program for a famous school." I explain, lowering my voice just enough to continue the charade. He nods from the front, allowing his eyes to continue to scan the road.

"That's wonderful that you kids can get into that early! I didn't know that schools did that nowadays!" I relax a bit, but then tense. I can't let myself slip.

"Ah, I'm actually the first one in a while to be reviving the program," I say, fixing my posture to be less feminine. The cabbie visibly approves from the front seat, nodding his head as he keeps his eyes on the road.

"What a bright future! I hope to read your stuff one day! Japan loves baseball, you know!"

He turns into the station, dropping me off near my platform. I make a mental note at the pure exhaustion I felt from the interaction, but I pick myself up and continue on. I cross the platform onto my train, making sure to be mindful of my posture the entire time.

I leave a girl in green on that platform, with flowers in her hair and naivety in her eyes. She never knew girls could cause such a divide. She didn't know her skirt would beguile and her voice was distracting. She never knew she would be enough to cause her heroes' downfall.

This opportunity is too important, and this program is too precious. I need to revive it at any cost possible,

Even if it means leaving you behind, Midori. I hope you'll forgive me.

I know he never will.