I accept the fact that I like to wither in my own pain. After realizing that running from it wasn't working I allowed myself to drown. The pain overtook me until the point of numbness, I stopped understanding my feelings a while ago. I know I can feel I just can't, comprehend those feelings. Explaining it is not something I'm up for but I can provide an example.
When I get high, the feelings rush in and that's how I know I'm drowning, that I've been drowning for a long time. The feelings that seemed to be nonexistent begin to shout, causing my ears to ring. My chest is filled up with their hateful words and I try to catch my breath but by then breathing is difficult. Then I'd try to convince myself to calm down, before eventually voicing my thoughts.
"Crayola, I don't feel good." but words couldn't explain the feeling, it was so much more than that. I just couldn't, I couldn't express it. My mind was in a fog and my breathing shallow. She asked me if my unwellness was physical or mental, and I responded, "both."
I kept wishing I wasn't high anymore. The feelings confronting me weren't something I wanted to feel, I wanted out. Seconds later a more rational part of me showed itself. I smoked a little weed, ill be fine. I'll be high for 30 mins at most. Ok, ok. I'm ok. I regulated my breathing and sunk into a meditative state. I was all right; for a little bit.
YOU ARE READING
teenage agony
Short Storyanguish. when one is pushed to the side, when their feelings are deemed invalid what are they to do? society has pushed one out, discarded them. i'll tell you what this girl did, she wrote. teenage agony and the pain of it all.
