Sivaangi hated the fact that his presence still had an unknown effect on her and she wasn't able to do anything about it. She could neither express her emotions nor hide them and it was worse than being suffocated. It was like someone ripping her heart open but she was not able scream for help.
"Sivu avarkum shop panitu, sendhu bill panlam", Mithra said as they walked into the men's wear section.
There have been a number of times Mithra casually asked her about Ashwin and how the two people who called their bond magical were suddenly too busy to even catch up once in few months. It was natural that people were curious. But she always said that they were nothing more than well-wishers back then and they still are.
Even if she wanted to open up to someone, what would she tell them anyway? He gave her no reasoning for why he wanted her out of his life. It felt as if he was acting for the show and once it was over, the act was over too. Though she put on a brave face, there were countless nights when she cried herself to sleep not knowing why any of it happened.
She knew that he wasn't going to love her back. It was evident. So, that wasn't what hurt her. But the fact that he made it all an act, put a dagger through her sensitive soul. It killed the trust she had on people and love. Their magical journey vanished in front of her eyes. She thought they would atleast continue to be in each other's life. Was that too much to ask?
She did what she had to survive and that meant she had to bury herself with work with no time to think. She did everything possible to keep him and his thoughts far away from her mind and heart.
And, the way she handles being around him after all these years was going to be the true testament of her years of effort not to anyone else but to herself. He doesn't and shouldn't matter.
Ashwin could sense that she was having a hard time faking a smile to keep up the act. He wished they were alone right now so that she wouldn't have to pretend. But an instant regret filled his heart because she would not be here if they were alone. She would have walked away just like he had asked her to. He could feel the angst behind the tear glazed eyes that were fighting to keep up the ruse.
He wanted to know what was running on her mind. He expected her to be angry and indifferent. He would have been fine with ignorance too because he deserved that. But, all he saw was a girl who lost her smile. Yes, he knew that she would be hurt for a while but believed that she would eventually get over it and be happy. After all that was why he let her go.
He wanted to hear her voice in person. Though he lived with her songs and all the voice recordings she had sent him, his name in her voice in person was something he yearned for. She had not uttered a word since they met and maybe it was a conscious decision he thought to himself.
She was seated in a corner with her AirPods on with an excuse that she was practising for her recording the next day while he was pretending to be confused between two kurtas.
Mithra saw his plight and said,"Unga friend anga dane iruka. Avalta kelunga." before she left to call Pugazh.
He did not have the courage to initiate a conversation mainly because the last time he did, it was to cut ties with her. He hesitantly walked towards her holding both the kurtas in his hand.
"Ma..."
She could not hear him but she felt his presence and looked up to face him. And there he was with the most charming smile which made her forget all that had happened for a split second. She would do anything to see this smile she said once but little did she know that she would lose her smile in the process.
She pulled out one of her AirPods and stood up to meet his eyes.
"Edu better ah irukum?!"
She saw that he had a balck drapey kurta with a small button detail and an off white silk kurta with pleated detail. It was obvious that he was just making up an excuse as no one would buy a black kurta for a marriage ceremony and especially not him, he would never pick black over white. She stared at him and her eyes did all the talking,
She pointed to the off white one and before putting her AirPods back on, he held her wrist.
"Edachu pesu ma please"
"Ungalta pesa eduvum Illa"
It was plain and straight. He removed his hold on her hands.
"Enaku unkita pesa neraya iruku"
She did not respond but he saw her eyes welling up.
"Ma... Mithra is looking at us."
Her lips curved into a formal smile fighting back her tears as he moved in front of her to block the view.
"Enna paaru ma..."
She wanted to end this conversation before she breaks. She pulled back her tears and looked into his eyes which were filled with concern and yearning.
"Moonu varsham enna paaka thonala.. pesa thonala. Ippo eduku paakanum.. pesanum..?"
"Na unakaaga dan..."
He was interrupted when Mithra came over.
"Rendu friends um finally catch up panniyacha? Epovum yosichirken unga rendu perayum onna patha epdi irukum nu. Nee show la sona madri kulu kulu nu dan iruku", she said without knowing the emotions that one word could stir up in both before going to the billing section with Ashwin's kurta.
"Enakaga neenga pannadu podum" she said before walking away without waiting for him to respond.
He was now certain that her feelings for him back then was not mere admiration or infatuation and hated himself for making a decision that impacted both without understanding her better.
He just looked at her walk away not knowing how to express his regret for causing her so much pain when all he wanted was her to be happy. But it quickly dawned upon him that if this was life giving him a second chance at love, then he was going to make it right this time.
This girl deserved nothing but epic love and today after seeing those eyes of hers, somewhere in his heart he felt that there was still a chance for them.
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Thoughts? Comments?
Was extremely hard to pen down their first interaction after all those years. Tried my best.
Soulmates do exist ❤️
