Ashwin almost forgot to breathe when he heard Sivaangi say those words with so much ease. Her immense care and affection were not alien to him but to see that it remained intact even after all the pain she endured,left him dumbfounded. For an instant, it felt like nothing has changed between them. But reality struck him when her eyes that were locked into his for so long moved away.
Was this happening for real? Did she just tell him that she missed his smile? How could she possibly miss his smile, the person who was solely responsible for taking away her happiness?
Sivaangi was born with endless compassion. Being kind and empathetic was her inherent nature. But, when it comes to the guy infront of her, there was something beyond all of that.
Like how natural it is for a heart to beat no matter what, loving him felt like the most natural thing for her, truly selfless and unconditional.
Some life changing events happen out of the blue in the most unexpected ways which we have no control over. Meeting him in her life was one such moment. It turned her life upside down and there was no going back.
She wasn't aware of the impact her words had on him until she saw him at a loss for words. It wasn't a conscious choice but rather an outcome of his company that revived her long-lost candid self.
It took her a couple of minutes to grasp what had just transpired between them and the moment she did, she could not handle his intense gaze on her any longer. Her heart beat started to race like never before and her eyes moved to look away from him.
The moment which started off in the most light-hearted way ended up overwhelming their souls with a multitude of emotions.
Sivaangi got out of the car for some fresh air because sitting inches away from him was too much to handle. Afterall, she wasn't 21 anymore. She was well aware of the undeniable effect he had on her and understood what his proximity did to her.
What was she even doing with him at this time anyway? Why can't she stay away from him? Why does she feel safe with him even after he let her down and broke her heart?
There were no logical answers to any of her own questions. It was just a feeling. An emotion that was heartfelt, fervent and most of all irresistible.
Ashwin gave her a couple of minutes before joining her outside. Even a minute away from her felt like eternity to him.
Ashwin: Sivaangi Ma..
Sivaangi: Sollunga
Ashwin: Thanks
Sivaangi: Eduku?
Ashwin: En smile ah miss pannadhukku.
She turned to look at him and immediately regretted it. Looking at him this close was the most dangerous for her heart.
Sivaangi: Thanks
Ashwin: Eduku ma?
Sivaangi: Enna oru nimisham manasaara sirikka vechadhuku. It felt good.
Her sudden confession was a surprise to both of them.
Ashwin: Inime sirichute dan irupa.
He said it with so much confidence that she almost believed it.
***
An hour later, they were back, standing at the same spot in front of her home.
The only difference was that she was now well fed after having an ice cream and a chocolate overloaded Belgian waffle.
Ashwin: Good Night Ma.. Safe a iru.
Sivaangi: Good Night. Drive safe.
Ashwin: Vera eduvum illaya?
She had a confused look on her face as she was not unsure of what he was expecting her to do.
Sivaangi: Purila...
Ashwin: Purila?
She gathered what he wanted from her.
Sivaangi: Enaku thonala
Ashwin: Moochuku munooru thadava solite irupa.
Sivaangi: Apo thonichu. Ippo thonala.
He did not want to push her to do something she did not want to. He let her go into her home before he turned away and got into his car.
Within a couple of minutes just after he turned on the ignition, his phone started ringing. He was stunned to see his "Rowdy" calling him.
Ashwin: Sollu Ma.. Edachu venuma?
Sivaangi: Safe a drive pannunga Ashwin. Good Night.
A wide smile formed on his face which was the best reflection of his happiness at the moment.
Ashwin: Kandippa. Nalla thoongu ma. Late aachu.
Sivaangi: Ok ma.
Ashwin replayed his moments with her throughout the day on his drive back home. The last 12 hours was like a dream that he did not want to wake up from. Surreal was an understatement at this point.
***
Sivaangi laid on her bed with a senseless smile.
She remembered how stupid she felt for expecting him to be there of her when she realized that he had already left from the studio and how furious she was with her own self for having the slightest bit of hope on him.
But then, he showed up at her door step which was totally unexpected just to know if she was back home safe.
There was nothing straight forward about them, neither back then, nor now.
It was scary how he could not only put a senseless smile on her face but can also take her smile away for no good reason.
Nevertheless, there was one thing that was different about him today. Until now, he who always hid his feelings for her well enough to have her fooled was more than explicit. It almost felt like their roles were reversed and she was completely caught off-guard by this sudden change in him.
***
Ashwin was high on Sivaangi when he reached back. He had a full day of dance shoots which would start in a couple of hours.
On a normal day, he would be well hydrated and rested to be prepared for the exhausting day ahead of him. But this was far from normal. He was like a kid high on sugar. Hyper-active to say the least.
He took his mobile to inform his Rowdy that he was back.
Manna: "Reached safe maa..."
Rowdy: "Sleep well" The response was immediate.
Manna: "Iniku enaku Kulu Kulu nu iruku"
Rowdy: "Apo rendu blanket potu padunga. Bye"
She never fails to amaze him he thought to himself before dozing off to sleep with her songs.
Her Voice was the cure for his heart and soul.
***
In a war between her heart and mind, her heart was winning hands down. What would happen if he breaks it yet again? Will she survive that? Probably not.
With a million things tearing her apart in so many ways, she dozed off focusing on one thought. His Smile. Afterall, that was the only cure for her broken heart.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thoughts?
