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"I have no record of brighter days Your light is on me, I can say I have no part, I have no lines But I have you, and you have me, honey."
J u p i t e r
I knew what alcohol did to me, and I knew from the moment I lifted the first glass to my lips it was game over. I had been perched on a log for most of the night, waiting for her face to appear from where I could just make out our cabin in the darkness. It never did. And my hope deflated as people started to pack up and leave the bonfire, their small murmurs of goodnight sending a fiery sting throughout my body. She wasn't coming.
Ellie had seemed so angry at me when I had arrived back, from what I thought was a good day. For once, I had been able to laugh with the children of Jackson Community, laugh with Noah and most of all laugh with myself. It had been way too long since the last time I had. Sadly, I couldn't wait to tell her about it. Instead, that hope was winded out of me at the harsh reminder that maybe she didn't actually care dangled in my face, it vibrated me to my very core. Nobody really cared.
The fire was dwindled to embers as I watched it, time passing on until I was the only one left sitting around it's warmth, "hey kid." I couldn't find it in me to jump at the voice I had come to know so well, Joel taking a seat next to me seconds later.
"Hey," I said back, bringing my glass back to my lips, "Feeling better?"
"Kinda'," He said, knocking his shoulder against mine, "Why're you sat here alone?"
"Well why not?"
A whisper of a laugh left his lips, "You remind me so much of Ellie sometimes."
I raised my eyebrows at his confession, a deep sigh escaping my lips. I didn't say anything else, and it seemed like Joel didn't have anything else to say either, the fire making all the noise for us. The crackle of it was calming, reminding me of the first night I really spent in the community years ago. The bonfire had been planned for weeks, according to Tommy's endless bickering about it the whole way here from where they had found me in the Warehouse.
"It'll be a good way to introduce you to everyone." He had told me. I had been sitting on the back of Joel's horse for what seemed like hours, tensing at every sudden move the animal made as it knocked against the inside of my thigh. They couldn't find out, these people were strangers and I— well, I was immune.
Joel had been looking back at me every chance he got, a deep frown lingering on his face, "What are you doing out here alone, kid?" Tommy watched me too, carefully, almost as if he was ready to do whatever he needed to if I made a wrong move. I wasn't going to. I was tired and I just wanted to get off of this horse. I wanted to finally feel safe. I didn't know if there was truly a time where I did feel safe.
