For Just a Moment

Saving the Universe Together

Cinder woke in a cold sweat, breathing heavily, and not entirely sure where she was. It was dark in the room where she was sleeping. Her mattress was too firm. There were noises surrounding her that were not ordinary to her life in Phoenix Towers. No, the sound was something different. Almost like—

An engine.

Cinder shook her head, rolling her eyes at her own stupidity. She'd been on the Rampion for over a month, and yet every time she awoke from a nightmare it took her some time to recognize the ship that she and Thorne had escaped on together. It drove her nuts that a dream could frazzle her to such a degree.

Letting out a soft sigh, Cinder dragged herself out of bed. Checking her computer interface, she saw that it was only quarter past one, but knew that she would not be able to fall back asleep for the remainder of the night.

Insomnia hadn't been an uncommon occurrence in her life since escaping prison. Between all the many worries she'd faced over the past month, her brain had little time for sleep. She lay awake at night, wondering if Scarlet was still alive, or where Jacin had gone. She worried about Thorne's vision never coming back and Wolf's mental state. And though she tried to ignore it, she stressed over the revolution to come— returning Kai to New Beijing, gathering support on Luna, facing Levana. Even when she did manage to gain a few hours of sleep, she always woke in a panic, never feeling fully rested.

Softly, she padded into the corridor, making her way to the engine room— the only place that felt like home. But as she passed Kai's room, she noticed that his light was still on.

For a minute, she stood outside his room, deliberating whether or not she wanted to check in on him. She knew that he was miserable on the Rampion, always worrying about his country, his people, but he'd handled it all as if it were easy. That was an aspect of Kai that scared her— all that he kept buried beneath the surface.

She tapped lightly on his door, quiet enough to not wake any of the sleeping on the ship, but loud enough that Kai would hear.

There were footsteps, and then Kai opened the door just a crack. He smiled when he saw her, though it was half-hearted. He looked exhausted— as if he hadn't slept in weeks. Which, as she thought about it, could have been possible, what with everything he'd been through. .

"Hi," Cinder said, giving him a little wave. She was already regretting this. "I saw your light was on and I, uh, thought I'd come say hi apparently." She crossed her arms over her chest and averted her eyes.

Kai put his hands on either side of the doorframe and leaned forward, a smirk playing across his features. "You know, Cinder, if you've come for a late-night rendezvous, you might as well just tell me."

"Oh darn, you spotted my ploy," Cinder said in her most dead-pan voice. "I didn't even get to try to seduce you."

"Maybe next time," Kai grinned. "So what's up?"

Cinder examined his features— the bags under his eyes, the hair that fell into his face, the slight pinkish tinge to his cheeks. He caught her staring. She looked away.

"Oh, I was just up," Cinder said. "And I was going to go work in the engine room when I saw your light on so I thought I'd just... check in, I guess."

Kai's lips quirked up at the edges and Cinder felt her heart flutter. Kai leaned in close enough for her to see the different shades of brown that layered his eyes, starting dark and ending light. His eyes, so beautiful, flickered from her own down to her lips. And then, without another thought, her hands were on his face, and she was kissing him, and he was kissing her, and it was like magic. The sort of stuff that people wished on stars for and sang lullabies about.

The kiss ended too soon. Cinder dropped her hands back to her sides and took a step away from Kai. He straightened up, hands still on the doorframe, ears pink.

"Would you like to come in?" Kai asked, voice more a whisper as he removed his hand from its hold and made room for Cinder to pass by. She simply nodded, too scared to say anything. She sat on the edge of his bed, looking anywhere but at him. Kai sat on the other end of the bed, hands clasped, elbows on his knees.

"What has you up at..." Kai glanced at the digital clock on the wall. "One twenty-one?"

"Oh you know," Cinder sighed, "the usual."

"Which is?"

"Everything."

"Ah," Kai said, turning his body so he could face her. "I see."

Cinder mirrored him, leaning against the metal bedpost. "So what has you up at one twenty-one?"

"Oh you know," Kai mimicked. "Everything. The billions of people counting on me. My crazy fiancée who wants to kill me. The fact that I, an eighteen year-old boy, am quite possibly the only thing that stands between my crazy fiancée and the billions of people counting on me. The possibility that I've failed them all. The knowledge that I'm not with them— that they're scared."

Cinder winced. It was her fault that he was on a spaceship thousands of miles away from his home and the people who needed him. Kai noticed and shook his head.

"I don't blame you, Cinder," he said. Kai brought a hand up over his eyes. Cinder watched as his shoulders sagged— as that final wall that protected all Kai had inside him came down. "Logically, I know that this is the only way that I can actually help everyone— that you're our only hope." Cinder shivered. "But it hurts me, to be away from the Commonwealth. It's my home. They're my people. Their pain is my pain and it feels like I haven't been able to breathe ever since I've been away."

"And it's so much more than that," Kai continued. "I'm completely exhausted, Cinder." He dropped his hand and looked at her, his eyes repeating his statement. "I can't sleep. I can't turn off my brain long enough to muster it. I just— all I can think about is them. And how I became emperor only to fail them within a matter of weeks."

"That's not fair, Kai."

"But it's true." Kai's left cheek twitched, and Cinder could tell he was on the verge of tears. "If my father hadn't died, none of this would have happened. He would have found a way to fix everything and we wouldn't be in this mess. You wouldn't have come to the ball and been discovered by Levana. You'd probably be in Africa now, learning ways to defeat Levana without the pressure of time leering over you. And my people, they'd be safe. It's all my fault."

"Your father's death was Levana's fault in the first place," Cinder said. She moved closer to Kai and took his trembling hands in her own, despite the voice inside her head screaming for her to hide her cyborg limb. "This was all orchestrated, and there's nothing you could have done to change things. I'm where I'm supposed to be, and as much as it feels like you're not, you are too. And we'll figure out how to save the universe together."

Kai let out a little choking sound. He nodded his head, tears trailing down his cheeks. Cinder held her arms out, and Kai fell against her, resting his face in the crook of her neck.

She held him for a while as he cried, just as he had held her when she'd panicked his first night on the Rampion. She rubbed soothing circles over his back and played with the too-long tendrils of his hair. And eventually, he calmed.

"Do you want to try sleeping?" Cinder asked, pulling back just enough to look into his eyes. "I'll stay with you, if you'd like." She felt stupid saying the words, her stomach tingling in an odd sort of way. But when he nodded, she didn't regret the offer.

She situated herself so her back rested against the wall at the head of the bed. Kai laid his head in her lap, his body curled in close. She pulled the thin military-issued blanket up over his shoulders, tucking him in properly. A tear slipped between his lashes as he closed his eyes.

Cinder played with his hair and whispered happy memories to him— ones involving Peony and playing dress-up and watching net-dramas. For a time, he smiled, and then slowly, slowly, his smile faded and his breathing slowed. And Kai, for the first time in a long time, fell into a peaceful sleep.