Philophobia

#13

I walk to my apartment, with my phone on my hand. i scroll and look at the message i sent shamelessly.

10.57 am You: I arrived safely.

10.57 am You: I still don't understand why you asked me to do this when my bakery is just a few minutes away.

10.59 am Taehyung: good then

11.00 am Taehyung: never underestimate criminals, muffin.

11.01 am Taehyung: you can't die. Who will pay for your coffee machine then? :(

11.03 am You: Imma need you to stfu

11.03 am You: And why are you calling me muffin? do i look like a freshly baked carb?

11.15 am Taehyung: your muffin was really good.

11.15 am Taehyung: thankyou. I will come back soon.

I felt a heat rushing in me .It is weird for you, how a simple sentence can make your heart race. You are positive that Taehyung is a playboy with a sweet mouth, whom you should stay away from as he's surely only trouble, and yet you want to get closer to him. You want to know him better. 

Maybe that's why you dated Jaebeom . You are always attracted to the wrong man. A man who cheated on you afterward.

I am soo envious of Hani. She chose a nice man who is now her boyfriend –soon to be fiance (as Jackson told you). She always chooses wisely. God only knows, maybe it is a gift.

I open my apartment's door, kicking my shoes.  I look at the table realizing, the wine bottles and glass have been neglected when you had the mental breakdown this morning. I take them and put them in the kitchen. washing the glass quickly and hang it on the rack and i put the bottle beside my trash can. I begin to strip in front of the bathroom. I want to take a bath tonight. My body is tired and Id really hope that a hot bath can help you with it.

It has been a while since you took a bath. You have been so busy that you could only afford a shower. A bath is like a luxury to you. You light some candles and put bath salt in your bath. You put your phone in a waterproof bag to watch a movie on Netflix. After checking the temperature, you step into the bath. As the warmth envelopes you in, you feel relaxed for a bit.

Why does Taehyung want to help you in the first place? Is that just his trick to get a woman in his bed? Does he see you as an easy woman? Does he walk around the city finding insecure women and trick them to sleep with him? But he seems nice. Or all of the bad guys look like that? I thought Jaebeom was a good man too before.

 sigh coming out of my mouth. It has been almost 5 years already, you have never been with a man since your ex. Why? Do you still love Jaebeom ? Is that why you can't move on? Maybe you still have a little bit of feelings for him, he was your first love. And first loves never die, right?

Maybe Hani is right. Maybe you need it. Maybe you need to fuck it out of your system. It can't hurt to use him right? And you basically know that he is a playboy, so you won't catch feelings for him, right? Think of it as a one-night-stand. It's just for sex.

As you're thinking of different approaches to ask Taehyung in a not perv way, my phone chimes.  looking at my phone and rise quickly from the bath, too quickly that it makes me feel dizzy.  wrapping myself in a towel i head out .