Homesick // Seongjoong

3

Today was the day, my birthday.

I stepped out of the shower drying my hair with a towel while walking into my room to change. I had to look presentable for our guests.

The gathering will start at 5pm and now it's only 11am but I wanted to be ready. Actually I couldn't stay still, this would be the first time for me to be surrounded by many people.

Whenever my parents held a feast, I would stay in my room, well at least that's what they think I was doing.
The first hour I would be in my room and then I'd go to the city.
It's really fortunate that the people don't know what i look like, so when I dress normally they don't notice anything.

I sat down in front of my piano and started playing my favorite song.

Here, where the sky's falling
I'm covered in blue
I'm running and I'm crawling
Fighting for you

I wrote this song in order to one day dedicate it to a person that I can finally call my home.
In the Castle, I don't have anyone except for Ms. Kim. She gives me love and makes me feel safe but not in the way that I want to experience these feelings.
Since I didn't find the person who makes me feel this way yet, I feel homesick.
So I named this song after this feeling.

When the rain stops, then, darling
What will I do?
And I know I go all in
But why do I?

but why do I... why do I feel this way?
Is my idea of love nonsensical?
What will I do if love disappoints me?

You give me a reason, something to believe in
I know, I know, I know

Here i have nothing, no hope, no happiness, only the feeling of being alone and not enough

You give me a meaning, something I can breathe in
I know, I know, I know

Every time my mom would scream at me, I sometimes hold my breath trying hard not to get a panic attack.
All I want is someone who takes the hold in my lungs away.
Someone who gives me enough air to breath calmly and be myself without fearing the outcome.

It's a bittersweet feeling
Longing, and I'm leaving
I go, I go, I go
But I wish I was there with you
Oh, I wish I was there with you

I need someone to safe me before I lose myself completely.
Someone who cares about me.

I was so concentrated on singing and playing that I didn't even notice that I started crying, until a tear dropped onto my hand.
This always happens while playing this song.

After washing my face, I started drawing to kill some more time.
Again I just started doing something, placing random lines until I figured what I'm doing...again.

4 hours later the drawing was finished.
i looked at it and slapped myself.
What the hell is wrong with you?!
Again I drew the face of that boy.
I let my head drop onto the table, letting out a heavy sigh.

I quickly put the drawing into a box where the other one was and shoved it under my bed.
Then I went to the bathroom and styled my hair, put on a some make up and
ran down the stairs.
„Ah your ready, you look...okay I guess." my mom said with a clearly disgusted look. I just bowed at her „When will the first people arrive?" she looked at the watch on her wrist „In 5 minutes, you go and sit somewhere where no one sees you, your father wants to introduce you properly." she pointed to a corner next to the microphone. I nodded and took my place.

People started coming in, standing in front of me, even though they didn't actually see me.

My parents walked around greeting people, until they made their way to the mic.

„Good evening ladies and gentlemen, i am very pleased that you have found the time to gather here with us. As you know, today I would like to introduce you to my second-born son, whom we kept out of the public for his protection until this very day.
The reason for our decision to introduce him now is very simple, today is his 20th birthday, which makes him an adult.
Therefore, from now on, he will be known as the second-born son of the royal family." My father explained.
I yawned at his words, it's all a lie just so the people wouldn't find out that they treat me like shit.
Now my mom stepped to the mic, this will be interesting.

„That's right, we know it may seem weird to keep our beloved son a secret from our folks but this was all just to protect him. Who knows what could've happened to him, since our guards would not only have to watch over us and our oldest son Jay (pretend he's older than Seonghwa thanks).
We do have enough guards but what if they would plan something.
Also i want to thank everyone for coming! It means a lot to us and of course our son." everyone clapped as if she was the best mom you could wish for, I almost gagged.
After some minutes of a ultra boring speech from my brother it was my time (FinAlLy nOw iTs mY tiMe🤪)
„So it's time to introduce my little brother." he said, I started walking towards them.
Straightening my back, my hands were a little shaky but I held my poker face.

I looked at all the people, some gasped, some smiled and most of them were staring right into my soul, waiting for me to say something. I cleared my throat.
„Hello everyone, my name is Park Seonghwa. I'm really happy to finally meet our folks and talk to other royal families as well as everyone else.
Thank you for taking time to spend it with me on this, special day." I bowed to them in a literally 90 degree arc.
They started clapping and cheering.
I looked around at all the happy faces, but then I saw someone from afar, leaning on a pillar with the arms crossed. A smirk on the face.
I would recognize that person even with my eyes closed.

He was here.