White Girl Problems {#1}

The most pain I ever felt.

I stared at the harsh red bites that trailed up my skin. Ugly. It was all ugly. I knew this is what I deserved but I never thought I would have to learn how dark my heart was the way I did. I stared at the mirror and all I could see was pain. Courtney screaming at me and the survival party soared through my mind causing me to start screeching at the mirror and smacking my head. I hated myself and now I understood why people hated me too. I was a bitch. A phsycotic, worthless bitch. Tears threated to spill over my lower eyelids and my lungs felt like they were collapsing inside of me.

"Clara?" Amber knocked at the door.

I didnt respond, I just kept staring at the mirror. When the doorknob turned I didnt move an inch.

"Clara talk to me"

Silence. Amber persisted but I refused to collaborate, leaving my older sister in tears. It felt like someone was ripping my heart apart when the sound of Ambers muffled sobs reached my ears, but I forced myself not to cave in. Eventually I was left alone and I had no intention to move from the spot I was in.

The next to arrive was Matt. He did not wait for me to say a word, let alone look at him, he just stormed through and picked me up like a baby. He had a worried look on his face and proceeded to just repeatedly kiss my forehead.

"Im so sorry baby" he mumbled into my hair.

I refused to respond and just let the tears roll freely down my cheeks. I could feel Matt's bulging muscles tense beneath my flimsy body as his expression hardened significantly.

"Those bastards...Clara you stay away from the Archer family. They've caused you nothing but pain and trouble."

I opened my mouth to argue but was silenced when I realised Matt was telling the truth. Conner and Tyler really did just cause me pain and sorrow, especially Tyler.

"He just made me feel so special" I spluttered as crying noises left my mouth.

Matt cradled me, holding me close and stroking my hair.

"Shh Clara its okay. Its okay." Matt cooed wiping my tears with his rough thumb.

I sat there, my vacant eyes fixed on the mirror that was slowly diminishing my self esteem. Insults danced around my mind, which only made me cry out louder. I didnt want this, I deserved it but I just wanted it to leave. I wanted everyone to disappear so I could minimise the casulties I was causing and save myself some pain. I squeezed my eyes shut and wished that Tyler, Courtney, Conner, Matt, Amber and everyone else would just disappear. Go somewhere where they can have a better life. Somewhere without me.
"Clara?" Matt waved a hand in front of my face.
I refused to respond, hoping Matt would give up, but he was persistent. Tyler burst through the door and I snapped my head to focus on the ceiling. I could feel Matt move beneath me, I tried my best to keep him on the floor. I heard someone drop beside me.
"Clara I'm so so sorry." Tyler grabbed hold of my hand.
I made no effort to clasp my fingers around his hand, I simply lay there silently crying.

"Look what you've done to her...you fucking asshole." Matt growled at Tyler, pulling me towards his chest.

"She's my girlfriend." Tyler deadpanned.

"You really think she still wants you after you let her get raped by your brother." Matt scoffed.

"She does...dont you Clara?" He replied, staring at me.

Silence.

Tyler's POV
My heart shattered and my knees felt weak beneath me. I blinked back the tears and just stared at Clara. I hated her but I loved her.
"Fine...goodbye Clara"
She said nothing. I turned away and slammed the door before running out the house. I dialled Liberty's number.
"Hey babe, I'm really upset, come cheer me up in bed?"
"I'll be there in five"
Liberty was obviously having a lot of fun as she giggled moaned and swung her hair round repeatedly as she bounced up and down. I faked a few sexual noises but stared at the wall the majority of the time, all I could think about was Clara.