UNDERCOVER on the TITANIC (book 1)

Part 14 - Principal Melvin Ball

Principal Melvin Ball, a short plump man wearing a floppy hat and a big grin, was expecting us. 'Welcome to Silverwood School, Jeff.'

I corrected him. 'My name is Ziff.   Ziff Dion.'

'That's an interesting name,' he chuckled. 'I like unusual names.' He handed me a bag of popcorn, as if he knew I was starving, and started telling us about the school. 

I already knew it was a private school but I didn't have to pay because a wealthy benefactor had set up a trust fund to pay for children of penniless parents like mine. I stifled a yawn and munched popcorn as Principal Ball continued. 

'We have small classes, the best teachers in Ottawa and advanced pedagogical techniques. Jeff, er, Ziff, will be in the class with Kelvin Smolkin our professor of mathemagics.'

I was wondering why there was an empty fish tank in the corner of the office when something touched my neck. I leaned forward but the something . . . slid over my shoulder and tasted the air with a forked tongue. A forked tongue! 

I froze with a piece of popcorn half way to my mouth as a flat head followed the forked tongue and slid down to my lap while the rest of the body was still sliding around my neck. It felt cool and dry. More of it accumulated on my legs in a sloppy coil. It was heavy! An impossibly wide mouth opened slightly and two eyes stared up at me. 

'I believe in positive re-enforcement,' Principal Ball was telling Grandma. 'That is why I always use a green pencil, never a red one. Red reminds one so much of blood, don't you think.' 

He looked at me with a puzzled expression that relaxed into a smile. 'I see Ziff has made his first friend at Silverwood School,' he said cheerfully.    'Say hello to Annie the anaconda. Don't worry. She's not hungry.' 

He laughed like a proud parent. 'She just likes the warmth.'

Annie curled up like a cat - at least, the front half did - and went to sleep. At least, I hoped she was asleep.

'As I was saying, we are delighted to have Ziff at Hogwarts . . . er, Silverwood School . . . Mrs Keel.' Principal Ball frowned tentatively. 'His name is really Ziff?' 

'Ziff,' Grandma confirmed abruptly. 'I don't like unusual names myself but no one asked my opinion.'

I wondered if I could put Annie in the fish tank but it was already occupied by something that looked suspiciously like a cobra and it was staring at me balefully. This place was definitely not like my old school in Toronto. It was a real zoo. 

Principal Ball curtailed his speech when Grandma interrupted him. She had to return the van to the rental company and was in a hurry to get to work. 'Have fun!' she commanded as she marched out of the office. 

Suddenly, I was alone in an alien school with an anaconda on my lap and a cobra glaring at me from a fish tank. Have fun!?

Principal Ball draped Annie around his neck and took me to my first class. On the way he showed me an empty locker, where I hung up my coat and reluctantly left my bag of popcorn. The noise level increased as we approached classroom 109. The screeching and howling suggested the inmates belonged to another primate species, as if a mob of enraged baboons were devouring the teacher. 

Principal Ball opened the door and the baboons were suddenly silent . . . But they didn't look friendly.  About half of them were waving long, sharp metal objects and staring at me as though I were their next meal. I crept closer to Principal Ball's bulk. Perhaps they would eat him first and give me a chance to escape.

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