UNDERCOVER on the TITANIC (book 1)

Part 15 - Professor Smolkin

The teacher, Professor Smolkin, appeared flustered but showed no signs of injury.  He was smartly dressed in a white shirt, a dark blue blazer, with brass buttons, and a black tie with a tiny pattern of skulls.  He was slightly thinner than Principal Ball but he wore a similar grin as he bounced across the room to greet us. 

'Welcome, welcome, Jeff Dion,' he burbled warmly. 'It's so nice to have you join us.'

'My name is Ziff!' I mumbled nervously, 'not Jeff.'

'Ziff? That's an unusual name. Okay, nice to meet you, Ziff.'

Principal Ball backed cautiously out of the room as Professor Smolkin turned to face the class. He raised his arms like a conductor, waited for silence and then joined the students in a ragged chorus. After the first two lines I realized they were destroying my favourite tune, Scarborough Fair.

'Welcome, welcome to Silverwood School

All our tea - chers are terribly cruel

They make us follow the go - old - den ru - le

homework, more homework is coo - ool'

The second line should have been, Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. Luckily, there was only one verse. I stood there awkwardly, feeling embarrassed and wondering idiotically if there was a Christmas version;   crude, pool, yule, school. 

 Professor Smolkin handed me two pages of a large newspaper and a scissors.  Was he providing me with a defensive weapon? 

He gestured toward an empty desk. 'Sit over there, next to Licia, er . . . Ziff. She'll bring you up to date.' 

Licia might have been Caucasian except for her eyes. The irises were almost black making her pupils appear unnaturally large. The magical effect was emphasized by her small round glasses. I wondered if she could see through walls. Her fingernails were painted black too. She curled her lip as she glanced at me with a why-do-I-always-get-stuck-with-this-job look. I dropped my backpack on the desk and realized I was still standing, with my mouth open. 

 I sat down quickly wondering if I had been delivered to a psychiatric ward by mistake. I said, 'Hi,' but she ignored me. I was too scared to say anything else in case she turned into a vampire or something. Anyway she was a girl! 

I watched her warily out of the corner of my eye. Girls made me nervous, especially girls who were different, and we were about as different in appearance as could be. I had blond hair, pink, freckled skin and pale blue eyes while Licia had long black hair tied in a ponytail. 

At least she didn't have boobs. Girls with boobs were definitely aliens. She caught me looking at her and I glanced away, blushing. 

Licia finished what she was doing and reluctantly showed me how to cut long strips from the newspaper pages and punch a small hole through the middle of each. Then we gave one strip a half twist and another strip a full twist before we used glue sticks to attach the ends together forming two loops.

Professor Smolkin was saying, 'And now we are going to demonstrate the distinct possibility (he paused for dramatic effect) of time travel!'

He held up a piece of paper. 'This object has two faces, four edges and four corners. Now who can tell me, what object has two faces, one edge and no corners?'

A sandy-haired youth, stuck his hand in the air. 'A paper disc,' he said loudly. 'Thank you, Ryan,' Professor Smolkin said. 'Now, who can think of an object with only one surface, no edges and no corners?'

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