[1] 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐃𝐎𝐌 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 ― p.jackson ✓

013.

「013. if i see a chain of jokes i'm gonna delete this chapter /srs 」

THEY WERE all rattled, which wasn't unexpected. if anything, it was to be expected. thought cadie liked to think of her life as all sarcasm, snark and a bit of joking about dying (the whole rainbow and delight shit), bianca's passing seemed to shock her system. she'd always known she'd die. she knew it was inevitable that everybody was going to die one day... but to see it happen right in front of her? it was different from her dreams, weirdly. in her dreams, she wasn't there, not properly that is. but seeing bianca take down talos from the inside, to see her sacrifice herself for them... it poisoned her mind more than she'd like to admit. cadie had never properly grieved, and she didn't know if the right time was on the middle of quest.

she wasn't good at comforting people either. so when zoë began to cry silently into her shoulder whilst the others fell back to give them privacy whilst zoë cried her eyes out (perhaps her face being familiar was soothing... she doesn't know), cadie froze, awkwardly patting her back. she was terrible with people crying, terrible with people in general. cadie may have relaxed a bit more with everybody she was on a quest with, but there was a reason cadie was begging her parents to homeschool her. she was awkward, she was a nervous mess.

but there was an empty part of her now, and her guilt was gnawing at her from the inside, ready to chew her into nothing.

for so long she had actually resented (an exaggeration) bianca for leaving nico. she didn't like abandonment herself, she didn't like thinking anybody would be abandoned either, but that was no excuse for how she'd treated bianca.

it was weird she was finally understanding bianca's side now that she was dead, and it made cadie want to crawl up into herself. it was too late to change anything now, bianca di angelo was gone- down in the underworld, probably having a one way ticket to elysium; but she could've had more time, she could've done so much more. but some dumb prophecy-

"i apologize," zoë sniffled as she moved away, though it looked rather forced. "i should not have done that to thee. you and i are not friends... in this life."

and zoë. poor zoë- cadie had done nothing to try to help the grieving girl.

"no," she managed quickly (or as quickly as she could when she was feeling her brain go slow), "i... it's okay. i'm not delphina." she admitted shyly, "i'm not your daughter of euterpe, i'm not your best friend... oh this sounds mean- gah!" she shook her head, "what i mean is that, we don't have to be strangers. i'm not the person you knew, and i don't know you... but we could. know each other, i mean."

zoë sniffled, "you are more like her than you think."

cadie let herself look confused, "really? delphina was a princess. besides the whole doppelganger vibe we got going on, i don't think i'm anything like her."

"the little things," zoë pointed out, "she was terrible with speeches, did you know? froze up, couldn't do them. she was sociable, maybe. but as a royal you had to be. but she was awkward, got panicked in crowds. she did the confused face you do too." zoë shook her head, sighing, "when i first saw you, i admit, i was overjoyed. i thought it was... delphina." she winced at the name, her eyes full of guilt.

"i thought... i thought somehow she'd come back to me. that she hadn't died. that... that i got my best friend back," zoë said quietly. "i thought it was her, i thought i could apologise."

"i'm sure she forgives you," cadie tried to say to her, but zoë shook her head, "and... you were hurting, it's okay to be mad. but you tried to save her in the end, i'm sure she knows that."