The Person behind the Screen.(Tommyinnit Angst)

1. It's getting worse

The sound of an alarm, ringing on his nightstand woke the sleepy boy up. Sunlight shone on his face, making him groan in return. He forgot to close the blinds due to the events last night. It wasn't a particular special night as panic attacks were a normal thing.

Covering his face with his arm made him realize where exactly he had been sleeping. Because it was certainly not his bed. The floor. Goddamn it. He never has much energy left after a panic attack but not making it to his bed was something new. Slowly sitting up while rubbing his red eyes he looked at the clock. It read 7am, defenetly not his time but of course he had to go to college. While getting ready, his mind was in a different place, thinking about everything and nothing it was like his brain was running a marathon but being frozen at the same time. Tommy had recently blown up, which was incredibly weird to him, overwhelming one could say. But he managed to get used to it, or atleast tried his best. However with millions of people watching every move of him, it was very stressful, which only added to his list of problems. He dealt with severe mental illnesses, which he didn't admit he had because he really had a perfect life. He had a lot of privileges, his parents were amazing and loving and his friends really supportive, so why did he feel this way? It was like his mind was keeping him trapped in a cage of misery, while he was drowning, trying to find the key.

"Tommy" called his mom from downstairs. "Coming Mother" he yelled back returning from his frozen state. He quickly got dressed and brushed his teeth, before heading downstairs. His Mother met him at the door, giving him his lunch and a kiss on the cheek. Rubbing his cheek to make the lipstick disappear he ran out of the house and to school. After what felt like an eternity he arrived and met tubbo outside. Tubbo was like a brother to him cause they grew up together. Being always together they received the name clingy duo, which honestly fit perfectly, not like he would admit that of course. After doing their little greeting handshake and chuckeling, they entered school and started their day.

School was honestly the worst, having to pay attention for hours without an end was exausting and being in a small room with lots of people didn't help his situation. He and tubbo didn't have many classes together which really sucked cause tommy desperately needed a distraction from his teachers boring lessons.

Rubbing his clammy hands on his thighs made him realize how sweaty he was, but despite the sweat his body was shivering. That was the moment panic set in. His hands were shaking and his breathing trembling. A light ringing started to appear in his ear, giving him a headache. He was having a whole ass panic attack. In school. His eyes widened while he was trying to control his breathing. Suddenly two hands appeared on his desk making him look up at the teacher frowning at him. After lecturing Tommy about not listening, he excused himself and went to the bathroom. Without even looking back he knew everybody was looking at him, including the teacher who looked a bit taken back.

"fuck fuck FUCK" repeated itself in his brain while he was practically running to the bathroom. After going into a stall he slid down the wall and let the tears drop. He was breathing heavily and black dots appeared in his sight. Hugging his legs he started tapping with his foot against the floor. Copying the taps he slowly calmed. Sitting there for who knows how long his breathing came back to normal and his sobbing stopped. "Why did that happen... Why in school... There was no reason" was going through his mind while he stood up. Still a bit shaking he went to wash his hands and wet his face. It was red and puffy due to the crying. Panic attacks have never happened during school so this concerned him. "It's getting worse" he thought before giving himself one last look in the mirror and plastering a fake smile on his face.

He met Tubbo in the Cafeteria, who looked a bit confused due to his red eyes but he just shrugged it off by saying he was sleeping in class. " Seriously Mrs. Hallers is so boring i cannot keep my eyes open during history" he complained, earning a chuckle from tubbo as they made their way over to the table.

As they sit down tubbo eagerly told him about his biology class where they learned about bees. "I love bees did you know-" tubbo started rambling before tommy zoned off. Are you really planning on eating you fat pig?? "B-but im hungry. I haven't eaten since yesterday" he tried to stand up for himself. And you're proud of that? This is nothing you are pathetic. Do you really want to add being fat to your list of flaws?? "n-no" tommy sighted giving up. One last longing look into his bag where his lunch was awaiting him he started dramatically groaning earning tubbos attention. "Ughh i forgot my lunch". Tubbo looked at him with slightly amused pity which annoyed the boy. He hated people pitying him, he wasn't a baby he was a big man who didn't need anyone worrying about him."Here" Tubbo gave him the half of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich smiling. "Oh um... no thanks tubs im not really that hungry anyways" he assured him rubbing his neck gently. "Aright then more for me" the older exclaimed while munching on his food happily. They used to always share their food which made it even harder for tommy to decline. Why did he have to be this way... This gross.

The rest of the day went by pretty uneventful but his mood dropped alot after that.
With his bag full of of homework and assignments, he made his way out of school chatting with tubbo about streaming later on today. They were just going to stream on the Smp and troll other people, which they both loved to do. After talking about random things and plans for a bit, they said their goodbyes and separated.

An:
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