Saving Myself

CHAPTER 1

Barcelona, Spain.

3:43AM

Madaling araw. Dawn. Aube. Aurora.

Aurora Denise. Napaka-simple minded ng parents ko that they named me Aurora dahil pinanganak ako ng madaling araw. Tuwing tinatanong ko sila kung yon lang talaga ang meaning ng pangalan ko tinatawanan lang nila ako. Ang bait talaga.

4 years. 3 months. 2 weeks. 1 day.

That's how long I've been here. Since dumating ako dito hindi pa ako umuuwi ng Pinas. My parents call me every week, asking kalian ako uuwi.

"Soon mommy, kailangan pa rin nila ako dito eh." I think nagsasawa na sila marinig sakin to, pero di na lang sila nagsasalita.

Overnight shift ako ngayon, and it's weird dahil isa sa mga pasyente ko Pinoy. He was a middle-aged man, suffering from paralysis mula bewang hanggang paa nya. I was writing my notes, and di ko namalayan na 4am na. I have to give him his medication. Kailangan ko syang gisingin. Ayaw na ayaw kong nanggigising ng tao kasi alam kong makakasapak ako kapag ako ang ginising, lalo na at alas kwatro pa lang ng madaling araw.

Katapat lang ng nursing station ang kwarto nya, buti na lang, at tinatamad ako maglakad. I knocked on his door, and nagulat ako na may sumagot.

"Sí?" I opened the door and saw him sitting down on his bed.

"Tito, nagising ko ho ba kayo?"

"Ikaw pala yan nak, pasok."

"Meds time po kasi, kaya nandito nanaman ako."

"Malapit na matapos shift mo."

"Opo, 5am ho tapos na ko. Are you in any pain?" I said while checking his vital signs.

"Okay naman ako. Nakakatuwa naman na Pinay ang nagaalaga sakin ngayon. Kampante ako."

"Kampante ka ho sakin? Nako tito, I still have a lot to learn." I said while laughing.

"Gaano ka na ba katagal dito? 20 years na rin akong nakatira dito sa Spain."

"4 years na rin po."

"Working visa?"

"No po. I was offered this job during my last semester sa college."

"Really? How? Hindi ko alam na possible pala yon?"

"One of my clinical instructor is Spanish. He decided to live in the Philippines dahil hindi po maiwanan ng misis nya yung pamilya sa Pinas. I think he has connections po dito sa hospital na eto. I'm not sure."

"And then what happened?"

"On my last semester, tinanong nya if I'm interested in working abroad. I answered na syempre naman kung pagpapalain. Then he said that he will refer me to someone he knows from Spain. I thought nagbibiro lang sya. 2 weeks later I received a letter saying that they would be honored if I work for their hospital after ko grumaduate." Tumigil ako sa pagkwento. Nakita ko si Tito Percy na nakangiti sakin. I took that as sign to continue. "Hindi ko alam anong naramdaman ko nung nabasa ko yung letter. Nung una syempre ho speechless ako kasi di ko akalain na magkakatotoo nga. Pero nung nasa harap ko na mismo yung offer, I wasn't sure anymore. Lalo na at..."

I stopped. Forcing myself to stop the flashback na bumabalik sa isip. Then I continued, "Lalo na at.. I was committed at the time. Yet, I still accepted it because I just did." I finished while laughing.

"Are you in any pain?" Tinitigan ko sya sa tanong nya. Nabigla ako.

"Ho?" Tinawanan nya sagot ko.