TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death // ao3 reupload

Chapter 4: I Just Spoke To TommyInnit He Said Give Me A Goddamn Minute

Tommy averts his eyes as the television on the wall blares the current news.

He rests his chin on his palm, locking eyes with Clementine. She's swimming around pretty slowly.

"Shhh Clementine please. You're going to give us away."

The barista, Bad, stares at him in confusion as he hands him a blueberry muffin, "Tommy? Is this your friend?" He questions staring at the Sprite bottle.

"Daughter," He corrects automatically as takes a chunk out of the muffin, "Her name is Clementine and we are soulmates."

Bad nods with a smile, "Right, of course."

Tommy nods, humming loudly as the news reporter discusses a recent robbery.

"According to the toy shop owner, he was threatened and shot by a tall man child. Sixth ranking hero, the Willow was also at the crime scene but failed to capture the criminal, stating he was armed with a 'dart' gun."

Tommy whistles, narrowing his eyes at Clementine when she pauses to stare at him. "You need to learn the art of subtlety Clementine. "

Bad frowns at the television, "Isn't that just terrible? Why would anyone rob a toy shop owner of all things?"

Tommy shrugs, "No idea, honestly, some people just want to see the world suffer."

Bad furrows his brows, "I'm just trying to understand why the criminal chose a toy shop, isn't that just a new level of low?"

The teenager bristles, "Y'know, I'm sure they had their reasons. Maybe they were trying to escape certain death from an intimidating roommate who might have defenestrated them for the second time that week?"

Bad stares.

Tommy shrugs, "You never know."

Bad gives him another muffin, "Right, of course. How's Tubbo?"

Tommy sighs, "Angry, as usual. Apparently you shouldn't try to feed fish Coco Pops?"

Bad looks worriedly at Clementine, "You've been feeding her Coco Pops?"

Tommy nods, nonplussed, "Yeah, she likes them."

Bad looks at him in horror before glancing back at the fish, "How is she alive?"

Tommy scrunches up his nose, "What do you mean how is she alive? Look at her, she's fine. She's thriving in fact."

Clementine turns upside down in the bottle, floating in the water, frozen.

Bad lets out a cry, hand clasped over his mouth, "She's dead."

Tommy frowns, looking at his daughter before snorting, "No she's not, Clementine, stop it."

Clementine turns back around and starts swimming.

Bad stares.

Tommy nods, "See? She's cool."

Bad stares some more before clearing his throat, "Right. Well, I've got some, uh different fish food which might work better. I'll just go get that."

Tommy shrugs, "I think her diet of Coco Pops is fine, but we're running out so yeah I don't mind giving her some variety."

Bad nods, looking stressed. Jeez, running a cafe must be taking its strain on him huh?

"You ever considered therapy Bad?"

"What?" Bad asks, bewildered.

"Therapy," Tommy says slowly, "You ever considered it? You look stressed."