Rose-Tinted Glasses [N.S.]

ix.

As soon as the door shut behind Tommy, Y/N was quick to lock it before sitting down on the floor and leaning back against it. Her mind was going a mile a minute; she needed a drink, she needed to breathe, she needed to get out. There was too much going on. She knew that any minute now, Nikki would come home and find out what had happened, and then she'd have to face reality all over again.

She cursed Tommy for making so much sense yet no sense at all. She'd still be around the boys, even if she were fired by Elektra- what the hell was he so worried about?

Pushing herself to her feet, she began to gently place a few items of clothing into her discarded suitcase. A small trip to clear her head seemed to be exactly what she needed. Maybe she'd go to the bay, or visit her family- she didn't really care about the destination, as long as it was far enough away to give her some space to think. Sliding her car keys into her pocket, she hoisted up her luggage and went downstairs.

"Tommy said you were leaving," Nikki said, his back to her, his eyes trained on the TV in front of him. There was no hostility in his voice whatsoever, which was honestly the opposite of what she was expecting. "I knew that would happen. It always happens."

His oddly calm demeanor sent a cold chill down her spine. She wondered how long he'd been there, and if he'd heard her fight with Tommy. "I'm just going on a trip to think for a little bit."

"That's what my mom used to say."

For a moment, Nikki wasn't Nikki Sixx anymore- he was little Frank Feranna Jr., a boy who longed for someone- anyone- to stay. And in all honesty, that broke Y/N more than a fight ever could.

"You're high, Nikki."

"I'm always fucking high on something. Doesn't mean I'm wrong."

Coming around to sit on the couch, she allowed herself to genuinely look at him. He was pale, the same sort of pale he always was when he was using, and he looked like death personified. His heroin highs always went one of two ways: he would go into a sickening episode of paranoia, or he would be so sedated that he would finally allow a glimpse into his mind. This happened to be the latter; although he didn't tear his eyes away from the TV, he allowed her to slip her hand into his.

"She always came back though, didn't she?"

"More or less."

Y/N began to trace his knuckles with her thumb, wishing more than ever to just wrap him up in her arms. "I can't stay away from you boys. You know that."

"I know," Nikki said, his voice smaller than ever. His eyes finally fell to their hands- and that was what finally cracked him. "Where are you going to go?"

"To be honest, I don't know... Maybe I'll go visit my family. They've been hounding me lately that I don't come around enough." Nikki nodded along, but the vacant look in his eyes was still there. Y/N sighed and allowed her head to rest against his shoulder, squeezing his hand lightly. "I'll be back before you even know it."

"When are you leaving?"

"I was planning on catching a flight tonight."

The bassist's breath hitched, but he was quick to shake it off, his cold front coming back up. "I guess I should get out of here then, huh?"

"You can stay a little longer-"

"Don't worry about it," Nikki insisted, pushing himself to his feet and shrugging on his leather jacket. Y/N couldn't help but stare at the small purple bruise in the crook of his elbow, a frown forming on her face. She knew she couldn't stop him from doing the drugs, but it still hurt nonetheless. Nikki noticed her staring and held his hand out to help her up. "C'mere."

She allowed him to pull her into a bone-crushing hug, the zipper on his jacket leaving imprints on her skin, but she didn't mind. In fact, part of her hoped they wouldn't fade too quickly. As soon as the hug broke, she tugged on the jacket to bring his lips to hers.

"Promise you'll still be alive by the time I get back?"

"You're so fucking dramatic sometimes," Nikki laughed, kissing her once more, ignoring the pit in his stomach that formed in response to her words. He knew he was riding the road to ruin- yet he didn't want to worry her any more than he already did.

He pressed a final kiss to her forehead before taking the Jack Daniels off the table and walking out the door.

In an attempt to shake off the weird feeling settling in her chest, Y/N took her suitcase out and began to pack up the car. As she finally settled into the driver's seat, she allowed herself to think; when had everything gone to hell? Years of work, hours of her time, her sanity- all gone in one single night. Doc was being entirely unfair, why wouldn't he just hear her out? He had never seemed to have a problem with her closeness to Nikki until they missed one single call time. Now he thinks it's grounds to fire her?

"Fuck this," Y/N spat, shoving the key into the ignition and speeding off towards the airport.