For my love, Celia St. James

Second letter

My Dearest Celia,

today is Christmas and I hate it. I can't stand the idea of celebrating something without you by my side. It's so painfully hard to decorate the Christmas tree when I remember that you were the one who loved to put an angel on top of it. You always said that it was tradition and I liked it. I loved it so much because never in my entire life had I had the opportunity to create traditions of my own. I used to look at you while you tried to sing in Spanish and never succeeding because your American accent never really faded away, not even after years spent in our little oasis in Spain. Now, I spend my days looking out the window imagining you coming in any minute with a vase of Christmas roses in your arms. But you never come and I have to realize once again that you're gone forever.

Robert, your dear brother, misses you so much. He tried to move on, like we all did, but I still hear him sob every time he looks at one of your photos. I do it too. I grab the family album and start flipping through the pages. I run my fingers over the perfect features of your favorite photo, the one with the blue floral dress you wore every time we went to the beach to get some alone time. You said that in that dress you could conquer the world, if only you wanted to. I still believe you would have conquered it anyway.

It didn't matter what you wore, you could capture everyone's attention just by smiling. Even now the thought of your smile is what lulls me to sleep every night.
I miss you a lot. Every day away from you reminds me of how wonderful it was to have you by my side. Wherever you are, if you can hear me, I want you to know that I still love you like I did that night when in our bed I took you as my wife. In that moment I realized that I didn't need the world to accept us, I just needed you. I needed you to say "Yes, I do" and when your lips said those words, suddenly the excitement of winning an Oscar was nothing compared to that. I was wrong you know?! It wasn't a statuette I needed. It was just the love of a family that I had always been looking for. You, Harry, John and Connor gave it to me and nothing could ever tear this immense gift from me, not even death.

I'm starting to get older. I'm waiting for the day when I meet you again. I know it will happen.
You were my greatest love. Before I leave I want the whole world to know it. I hid my feelings, our love, for too long, but now I don't want to do it anymore. You deserve for everyone to know who you really were and that you weren't afraid of the it. You were perfect in an imperfect world.

I love you.

Forever yours,

Evelyn

p.s.: If you see Harry, please tell him that I miss my best friend. I miss trusting him with all my secrets.