Dear Allison. ~ Allydia

004 - Dear Allison,

Dear Allison,

"You are my new best friend," remember those words Allison? Oh how happy I am now that I kind of "forced" myself up on you. How happy I am that you accepted me for who I was and didn't push me away. Because I know I was an arrogant, obnoxious and selfish bitch sometimes and I know that that's not me anymore. But you never ever stopped believing in me. You never stopped believing in the possibility of me to finally change into the person who I really was and am. That's all because of you Allison, I could be myself because of you and I'm forever thankful for that.

I thought I saw you, Allison. I thought I saw you standing there in the passage between all those rows of chairs where people were sitting on, staring at me. I thought you were right there, but now I realise it was probably just my mind playing tricks on me. I really wanted you to be there, to come to me with a smile on your face. Saying "Hey lyds, I'm back,' and to hold me in your arms. But that didn't happen.

As I walked past your coffin and I put down the rose, it felt like there was this huge hole inside of me. Like a part of myself was lost, like it had gone away. And that moment when the rose touched the lid of the coffin, it was final. You weren't coming back anymore. Allison, you were a big part of me and I lost that. Do you think I can ever be whole again? Do you think that black hole inside of me can ever be filled? I'm not sure. I mean, sure, Malia and Kira are sweet girls and they're very nice, but they're not you. They're not the girl that was there for me since the beginning. They're not the girl that turned me into the person I am now. They're not the girl that grabbed my hand to bring me to safety when there was an angry werewolf that treatening me or the girl that would spend her whole day shopping, without complaining, because I needed new clothes. I miss that girl.

I could write a whole letter about how much I miss you. I could spend my whole nights crying because I miss you. But I know that if you were here, you would tell me not to cry. Not to waste my time with staying behind in the past and not looking forward. You would tell me to wipe my tears, to smile and to live. You would tell me to go out shopping, buy new clothes, put on my make-up and smile, because someone could be falling in love with me. "Smile, Lydia. Someone could be falling in love with you". So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get myself together and go out, for you.

Yours faithfully,

Your best friend Lydia Martin.