Fill My Naked Empty Space | Book 2

Kabanata 12

Kabanata 12

Change

I have never felt being out of everything. I have never felt separated from the world I once belonged to. Not including.

Inakala ko na makukuha ko pa sila. I expect too much that I can handle both worlds in my hands. That I can be able to live with the two. But ended up being deposed from the previous world.

I choose this path, living with the Gutierrez family is who I am now. That's where I belong now. That's probably where I'm supposed to be from now on.

Dahil ang pananatili ko sa mga Arcoiris ay hindi na kailan pa magiging gano'n kainit para tanggapin ako. I'm unsuitable with them. Because they have taken me out of their lives.

After the first semester, umalis na ako sa bahay. I celebrated my birthday with Mom, Dad, and Russco in a not that fancy way. At least I enjoyed the latter being with them on my special day kahit pa may kulang. Sa bahay lang kami at ipinagluto ako ni Mom ng mga pagkaing paborito ko. I invited Enzo and Nics to come over on that day.

Sinubukan kong maging masaya dahil ilang buwan na rin simula nang mangyari iyon kay Kaizer. I am also not that revamped to him anymore so unlikely before that I'm dwelling too much about his condition. I tried to cope up in the past months even it's fucking hard to keep it out from myself.

Umakto akong maayos sa mga buwan na nasa bahay ako nananatili. Sinikap ko ring pumasok sa school kahit pa ramdam kong nahihirapan ako. Madalas kong makita at makasalubong sila Kelsy sa campus pero kahit tanging sulyap lang ay hindi ko na pinagkaabalahan pang gawin.

There was also a time that I was just walking towards the building for my next class and I felt them staring at me from afar while they are near the stairs, laughing. Looking so happy even without me. Hindi ko na ginawa pang balingan sila ng tingin at tumuloy tuloy lang ako sa paglalakad at umaalis na parang hindi ko sila nakita. Taas noo akong naglakad at hindi nagbaba ng tingin kahit pa nalagpasan ko na ang gawi nila.

Hindi na nila ako kilala. And I feel the same way, I don't know them either. Hindi ko na rin dapat sila kilala. Kaya sa bawat daan at salubong ko sa kanila ay parang hangin kaming nagkakasalubong sa isa't isa. No head turning nor even taking a glance at each other way, we had never done. And either I...would never do it the same.

Uncomfortably thing is when some of our schoolmates notice my engagement towards them. It came to be the talk inside our University for almost a week. Especially about Kaizer's condition, everything just fucked up. Kahit na hindi naman nila alam ang namamagitan sa aming magpinsan ay iniisip ng maraming tao na ako ang dahilan kung bakit lumipat si Kaizer ng ibang bansa.

Hindi ko alam kung saan nila napulot ang ideyang iyon. But one thing I'm for sure, it's from his lunatic's women. Pero kahit na gano'n ay hindi naman iyon naging ka-big deal sa'kin. Dahil mabilis na nagsubside ang topic after a week. Though naging usap-usapan ang pagiging adopted ko at pakikipagputol ko ng koneksyon sa mga Arcoiris kong pinsan after I knew I was adopted.

People were so inquisitive about our family. They were spreading news and gossips that end up having its flavor and spices at the end. Now that the people knew that I was a Gutierrez ay napansin kong mas lalong tumaas ang trato nila sa akin. Not that they have specialization treatment but it's more in the feeling of the social status gap. They tend to be inferior.

Hind pa man ako naipapakilala nila Papa sa ibang mga tao as a part of their family ay maayos naman na ako sa ganito. The Gutierrez are private people but they also do public speaking especially that they are in the business industry. They are known as the tycoon of all in this field. And knowing that instances happen to come out the leak about me being one of Ned Gutierrez's son in our campus ay hindi ko alam kung may plano silang publicity about it. Hindi naman na ako nang-usisa pa kila Papa dahil hindi ko na rin naman gustong bigyan iyon ng pansin.