Single Dads

6. Late Night Talks

The Diaz and Buckley family were spending more time together, and Eddie was watching Buck break himself to try to help his son. Whenever Eddie offered to step in, Buck rejected him and did it alone.

Buck was growing more tired throughout the days as Kane was having trouble sleeping again.

After a long shift the Diaz family was supposed to sleep over. Everybody sat on the couch to watch another Disney cartoon, and as soon as the movie began Buck was fast asleep.

Eddie smiled at his partner happy he was finally getting some much needed rest as his head leaned against his shoulder with Kane snuggled in a blanket in his arms.

"Daddy didn't sleep yesterday." Kane said when he realized his father was asleep.

Eddie looked at the bit confused. "Why?"

"Well I woke up and he was awake still, then we laid down but he doesn't sleep until me."

"And you couldn't sleep?"

The boy looked scared but shook his head no. "There were bad pictures in my head. I can't make them go away."

Eddie frowned. "If you'd like to talk about the pictures we can." He offered in a whisper.

"Daddy tells me that, but he doesn't like when we talk about them." Kane told Eddie and Eddie was surprised the kid could sense how Buck was feeling.

"Why don't we finish the movie and keep talking after?" He offered so Chris wouldn't have to listen. Chris was sleeping halfway through the movie so he turned it off and looked at Kane. "I'm not you Dad, but you can talk to me if you need to."

"Daddy says not to talk about it with some people, like at stores or school."

"Right because some people might get freaked out, but I'm a firefighter and a soldier I won't get scared. What is normally stuck in your mind?"

"Bad men took my Mama, and they put their cocks in her and the held a gun and put it right here." The kid sat up in his fathers lap and put finger guns up to Eddies forehead. "Then pulled the trigger, there was blood everywhere and then they put their cocks in her again."

Eddie wanted to wipe the kids mind free from the horror he lived through. "That's a really bad memory to have."

"Daddy doesn't like when we talk about my Mama. I think he liked her how he likes you. Mama told Daddy to take care of me."

"Yeah that's what he told me before you guys met."

"Do you like my Daddy?"

Eddie smiled at the kid. "I do, is that okay?"

"Yeah, I like you, and Chris is my best friend."

"I don't want to see pictures tonight, sometimes I can't breath when I wake up."

Eddie sighed. "Sometimes I have bad memories too, like a bad fire, or guns also, but I still sleep."

"But it's scary."

"It is," he admitted, "but it's also something I need to work through, because humans need sleep and I need it to stay awake during the day, plus some nights there aren't bad memories."

"How can I make no bad memories?"

"We'll kid sometimes they just happen, but it's not real anymore and yeah it hurts to remember but at least it's over now."

Kane laid down in his Dads arms again causing him to wake.

"You okay?" The father immediately asked his son in a tired heavy tone.

"Mhm, Eddies been talking with me, bad memories aren't for real anymore so we don't have to be so afraid to sleep if they happen."

"Oh yeah," buck said sitting up. "Does that mean you're going to sleep tonight?" The child nodded. "Let's go tuck you in then, maybe Chris can sleep on the blow up mattress on the floor?"

"Yeah that's fine." Eddie said.

After everything was set up the boys were sent into Kane's room for sleep and the fathers went to Bucks room.

"Whatever you told him thank you he seems more willing to try."

"Of course, we just talked a bit and shared stories of course mine were PG but he seemed to respond well."

"He tell you a lot?" Buck asked curiously. "He doesn't tell me much."

"He told me he can tell it hurts you when he talks about what happened, specifically with his mom. He told me how she died, and how he think you liked his mom the way you like me."

"It wasn't like that, we were trauma bonded together and then she was gone. Maybe I should tell the kid what gay is." Buck said in almost a laugh.

"I didn't even know you're gay, I'm bi." Eddie told him.

Buck nodded. "I figured, you loved your wife and you didn't seem like the pansexual kind."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Eddie asked in a playful offended tone.

"You're mr tough guy you play straight unless you see a guy you want."

"And you don't?" Eddie asked intrigued.

Buck raised his eyebrows. "I have not dated in 5 years and I never planned on doing it again."

"But here you are." Eddie said with smirk.

Buck chuckled. "Here I am." He pecked Eddies lips. "I know we haven't talked or done anything sexual since that one time, I'm willing to talk boundaries."

Eddie enthusiastically nodded. "If you're ready I am too."

Buck nodded. "Okay, I think all lip kissing is fair game, no chocking, or neck kisses, I don't like when people touch my neck." Eddie nodded paying close attention. "I don't even know about below the belt." He admitted. "I've never tried to even get hard since I got out of there."

"That makes sense, don't act like it's irrational. We can wait as long as you need and we can take it slow and do whatever you want to do."

"I want to have sex, I want closeness to you, I want that bond, but I can't have it mean what it's supposed to anymore." His eyes teared and Eddie pulled him into a hug. "I feel hands on me sometimes, phantom touches, I know they're fake but gosh they fuck with me so much. It's like they stole something from me and now I can't give you an important part of me."

"You're still you Buck and you're still whole." He kissed the man gently to prove he meant it.

"I still feel used and broken. It was never ending some days. I mean guys even girls would just tear you apart and destroy you. I lied when I said I hadn't gotten hard. The nightmares make me, but I never finish that's disgusting, nothings pure anymore."

"But it could be." Eddie said in his best hopeful tone.

"I hope so, because I truly hate it."

"Let's just lay down and get some rest." Eddie said flickering the light off.

Halfway through the night Kane entered the room waking both men. He climbed into the bed wordlessly as he cried.

"Come here." Buck said taking the child's arm and laying him down between him and Eddie and wrapping his arms protectively around him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Daddy why did they do bad stuff to you? They hit you a lot."

Buck frowned. "Because I'd try to keep you safe and they didn't like that."

"Mama got hurt too."

"She did, but you still have me, and now you have Eddie and Chris."

"Eddie told me bad pictures happen to him too he was in war." The child said innocently and poked Eddies face as he decided to go back to bed.

"I know, we should let Eddie go back to bed by falling back to sleep?"

"Yeah, he said he needs sleeps to stay up in day time." Buck smiled and kissed his sons head. "I love you kid goodnight."

"Night daddy."