Single Dads

11. Needs

Buck apologized to Michael a thousand times before he left. He now laid in bed feeling guilty, Eddies bed, he hasn't been home in days.

Kane was in Chris's room both boys asleep and Eddie just laid down after his shower.

"What's going on?" Eddie asked his boyfriend.

Buck looked at him for a minute before he smiled. "You're very beautiful you know." He rolled over put his hand on Eddies cheek. "Like super beautiful, I think you're perfect."

His words were so genuine they made Eddie blush. "Thank you, you're beautiful too, and I do mean that. You're very good looking."

Buck smiled even though a nagging part of his brain said he couldn't be beautiful anymore. "I'm sorry I put you through so much. I don't know how you're dealing with it."

Eddie sighed. "Can I be honest?" Buck nodded. "I have been having a hard time lately trying to be patient, because I'm ready to move forward and you're not. Instead it's more like we just met."

Eddie watched his boyfriend frown deeply at his words which he hoped he wasn't too harsh saying but he needed to let it out of his own system. "Ready to move forward to what? What am I keeping away?"

"Buck I know you're currently struggling, but I have needs too." He paused looking the man in the eyes before looking away. "And I'm not accusing you of neglecting them when we never even talked about what they were, but I'm starting to have a hard time now with our status due to how our relationship currently is."

"Meaning? Do you want sex is that it?" He asked confused. "We can try I've just never tried and I get all nervous when I think about it."

"I mean it would be nice, but sex isn't everything. It's more of the closeness I feel like we lack, not emotionally just physically and I know touching lately has been hard for you, but not touching has been hard for me. I want to show I love you and I feel like I can't do that if we can't connect."

"You love me." Buck said sitting up wrapping his arms around his legs in a hug.

"Yes, and I feel like as of now you're wanting me to just be a friend rather than a partner."

"Because I don't like touching?" He said partly confused now overwhelmed by this bomb Eddie dropped on him.

"Partly, but mainly because we don't do any couple things together. We take our kids to the park, we watch movies, but we never go out or really talk about our relationship it's always about us individually never together."

Buck sat on Eddies bed still holding his legs protectively. "Oh." Was all that came out of his mouth. "We'll sorry I'm making you feel that way Ed's. I just honestly don't know how much I can change right now."

Eddie shook his head. "I want you to be you, but I want you to try to get better. Not change yourself, I want us to cuddle without you eventually flinching away, and I want you to be able to sleep through the night next to me. I want us to be able to go out to dinner and to a bar so we can have fun together."

Buck nodded. "I want all of those things too." He admitted with a small smile against his lips. "I just can't imagine ever seeing it happening. I can hardly work right now."

"It'll take time, but I think it's a good idea to thrive for it."

The boys laid down on separate sides of the bed both pondering the conversation and wondering if what they spoke of would be too much. Each of them now feared a break up in the near future that neither man wanted.