You're Still Here

Chapter 1

 (EDITING)

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My parents were right. They were right about the fact that in the end, Lucas would not be there for me. They told me that he was going to leave me hanging once he’d find a new chick to hit on. Looking at his appearence seemed like it, but I chose to believe otherwise, which was clearly wrong to do.

I opened the door with the diamond key chain that Lucas bought me on my 22th birthday, when we were just friends. I held onto the bag, carrying lunch I had bought for Lucas and I. I couldn't drive, at least not in this state. The restaurant I went to was just nearby. Driving is dangerous for me, since I’m pregnant.

I know I could have told Lucas to get us some lunch but he was really sick in bed. I open the door. I take off my old light brown uggs, still in my sweats. As I look up, my jaws drop open and tears fill my eyes, although they didn’t make the effort to come out. I saw Lucas making out with a girl on the couch. The girl he said to be his "friend".

The girl stood up just as she saw me; shocked and ashamed. Lucas realized I returned too soon and he begins to rub the back of his neck. The girl picked up her bag, still staring at me like I had walked into the wrong house. No, she was in the wrong house, with the wrong man!

“Oh, I guess it’s time for me to go.” No, Duh! She looked at Lucas with that ‘you’re in trouble’ look, biting onto her red bottom lip as she leans down into Luc's right ear and whispered, “Bye Luc.” The nerve of this lady. I fake smile at her, leading her out the front door. I slam the door behind her and without saying one word, I make my way upstairs. 

I could feel Lucas follow me. “Look, babe. Umm… she was all over me and I tried to stop her, but she wouldn’t.”

I rolled my eyes. Wasn't that like the oldest excuse in the book? The one that mostly every guy used to avoid getting into sh*t?

 “Okay, Luc," I say putting a strand of my hair behind my ear.

He smile widens and his guilty turqiouse eyes light up with hope. “So, we cool baby?” he wraps his arms around me from behind, and that’s when I could no longer control my tears. Everytime, he did something wrong, I let it go. I always gave him another chance, He'd think it was always okay. No, it was never really okay. I'm just so darn good at hiding the pain.

I felt betrayed and now his warmth had changed from the most beautiful and safe place in the world to a place I never want to be in. No love or care, just fake. 

I thought I'd changed a guy I knew in the past from being a careless dirtbag to the Lucas I had now, but I was wrong, as always apparently. Truth is, you can't really change a person, completely. That person will always be the same in a way.

“Cool? I’m done with all this shit Luc; I’m leaving you for good, I’m going back to New York, where I wouldn't have to see you again.” I pause for a minute. "Don't dare follow or look for me, I'm not coming back to you again."

I could feel his anger rage. He yanks my arm and I shake, full of fear.

“I’m carrying a baby! The most you could do is be careful!” He went to the bookshelf and threw all the books onto the ground. “You can’t leave me, you understand!” He grabs me by my arms and whispers into my ears, “I love you dammit…”

Few minutes later I walk out of the house carrying my entire luggage, mostly the stuff I needed. How could Lucas do something like that to me? I left everyone and everything just for him, had he not thought about that?  Looking around the neighbourhood, I was about to leave makes me smile weakly. The memories fill my eyes with tears and I clench my fists, fighting to stop the past from coming into my mind. The past I now wish to change.

 5 years ago…

   “Julie, stop. Give me back my glasses. If I lose those you know my parents will beat me.” I jumped up and down trying to reach my glasses which were in my best friend, Julie’s hands. She was taller than me that would explain why I had been jumping up and down for the past two hours…I mean in the past 5 minutes. 

  “Your sweet parents wouldn’t beat you, and I know that.  Don’t hide the truth. Plus, why not just wear contacts? That way you wouldn't be wearing those huge u--" Julie said watching me as I was still jumping up and down like I’d just eaten something really spicy, that burned my mouth and made smoke come out of my ears.  She put her arm down, grabs my hand and puts my glasses on top of them.

I take a deep breath and rub my glasses clean, using my sweater.  “My parents may not look strict, but trust me they are. How about you live with me for a day and act as if you were born to a family, like mine... actually It’s not really that bad, I mean I love them and I follow every rule they set and I definitely don’t complain. I know that they just love the fact I can walk out of the house and still be afraid of them because no matter what I do I can never break their trust.”

I start to walk and wave to Julie, who is left behind to follow me. Julie walks up fast so that she could catch up with me. “You know Mia, you're very lucky because your family really cares about you. My brother, all that guy does is smoke. My parents know and yet, they don’t feel the need to do anything. He can damage his lungs, get cancer and die at an early age. He annoys me at times, but hes still my brother. You know? I want him to live.”

I giggle, I loved the way Julie would get into the details of a conversation, being able to see further into the future about it. It was insane sometimes. I read, but that girl spent way too much time reading and watching movies to have such a gigantic imagination.

We walk up to her front door and she pulls out a heart-shaped key, opening the door. My parents and Julie’s parents are very different. Our families run by different rules, which Is usually why we make sure that they are never together. We think that there would be nothing but chaos, by that I mean arguments. It has happened before. I loved visiting Julie’s place, it was really nice and everything was arranged so neatly. I felt as if I walked in some rich neighbourhood or something.  

  "Yo, Julie?" I bet that was Lucas, Julie's brother. Lucas is huge, he is six feet tall, he has long blonde hair, turquoise eyes; Julie's were blue, and he would always wear a loose leather jacket, which he probably thought would make him look cool.

"Yeah, it's me. Calm down weirdo. Where are mom and dad?" I started to take my high-top Nike shoes off, and I put my bag down by the corner of the computer desk. Julie left me alone with Lucas, since she had to go to the washroom 'really badly'.  It was the most awkward moment of my life. Even though I visited Julie several times, I never, ever talked to Lucas.

He led me into the library. He tucks his hand into his pocket, rocking back and forth, “Um, I’m guessing you and Julie will be in here? I assume that you guys are probably going to be working on some work or something. Umm… yeah, so sit. Julie will be here soon, I hope.” I let out a small giggle and then bit my lips hoping he doesn’t notice. “What’s so funny?” I nod my head. “It’s nothing.”  Julie walks in right on time, telling Lucas to leave. “Why are you smiling, Luc?” she asks him while pushing him out.

He turns around towards me,  lets out that stunning  smile that made me fall in love with him that moment, only THAT moment. “Your friend giggles ‘funny.’” And he walks out the door, making Julie have a look on her face that was unreadable.