chains & blue flames | completed.

18

Natural Born Sinner // In This Moment
Starshopping // Lil Peep
Outside // Paris Shadows

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Falling in love is a conflicting mundane emotion.

You may ask, "What is so conflicting about love?" And you might be thinking, "Love is fucking great."

Except it is an abominable sentiment.

Though, yes, you're right about it being great and beautiful.

But that's also what makes it ghastly.

It's portrayed as nothing but pure, bliss, pleasant... heavenly, even.

Again, that is very much true.

That is why humans are bewitched by the emotion they call love.

Because they don't know the side effects to that little dosage of happiness.

In fact, it's a huge pain in the ass... more than anything.

People who have never experienced love are eager to find it and don't know the pain and the anxieties that are attached to it.

Endless nights of worrying. Worrying spiraling into anxiety that you never knew was anxiety.

Your mind is always racing with situations that may or may not be real.

Your heart will drop to the pit of your stomach and for days you can't eat or hold it down.

From the nerves of the unknown scenarios or when you find out the truth... you shake uncontrollably.

I guess that's how Dabi was when he tried to get clean.

You feel your heart breaking into little pieces like a hammer to glass except it feels like you're being stoned to death. Only instead of people throwing you stones, it's your other half stoning your heart until it's deformed.

Arguably, it feels as if they're giving your heart papercuts a million times all over and they get a tad deeper with each slit.

That's also what makes it extremely charming.

Without affliction and heartbreak we would never find out who we really are.

Sitting on the ledge of Harukas 300, a sixty floor building - the tallest building in Japan.

And I can't help but feel lonely. I have my best friend sitting next to me but his presence feels almost like a phantom.

Hawks does not speak a word, nor do I. I think he understands the silence. My mind is so loud and he knows this is exactly what I need.

The breeze, the calmness, my best friend's acceptance, and comfort. I wouldn't mind Ao and Ren here, but this is enough for me right now.

I'm tired of crying. I learned the truth about everything. I already knew, but the confirmation took me back a little. That's not even the worst part. I never got to do anything about Dabi.

I just accepted him. Maybe it's my only choice.

To forgive him.

I stood up and I grabbed my phone and earphones from my jean pocket. Just my luck, these damn earphones are tangled.

I untied them as much as I could but they're being extra stubborn today.

Hawks holds out his hand and chuckles, "Heh. Give 'em here, sweets," he says as he looks up at me with a smirk before gently placing the earphones on the center of his palm.