Star Wars One shots

After Windu fell out of a Window.

Mace Windu woke up abruptly, and he saw plain whiteness.

"What the motherfu-" I  started saying,

"Shh! Only I can use swear words here!" The tall, blue eyed, blonde haired man who was standing there said.

"Who the fu-" I said before stopping. "Who are you?"

"I am the great deity called the Force! But I hate that name so you an call me... Ford!" The man, Ford said.

I snorted. "You're the force? The force doesn't have a physical being!" 

"Duh, of course I have a physical being. How else would have Shmi become pregnant?" Ford said.

"Who the F is Shmi?" I asked.

"Shmi Skywalker, is the mother of my son, Anakin Skywalker. Honestly, didn't you even ask my boy what his mom's name was?" 

"I did! But I forgot! Wait why am I explaining myself to you!" I yelled.

"Because it is the will of the Force. Get it?" Skywalker's fricking dad said.

"So that's where Anakin got his terrible humor." I said out loud.

Ford ignored that and said, "Look, I'm sending you back in time to the battle of Wilhelmia. You fought with Anakin's legion then. Befriend him. Give him the benefit of doubt. He won't turn to the dark side then."

The battle of Wilhelmia: It was about freeing slaves. The separatists were going to take over, and then make Wilhelmia a part of the separatist groups. So we had to do it first. And then Skywalker got injured. He was a great help to the slaves though.

"Why then?" I asked.

"Because you were being the biggest ass I have ever seen, and that was the only time you fought alongside Anakin." Ford said. And then he snapped his fingers.

I was at battle. Damn that was fast.

"Master Windu! Whatever happens don't say the word master to any of the slaves. They'll think you're a slaver or something." Skywalker said.

Shit I didn't agree last time.

"Sure Skywalker. I'll make sure of that."

Wait Skywalker gets injured about now! I'm amazing. I just redirected that bolt. Kriff. I redirected that bolt into me.

Wait what the fuck is Skywalker doing?!

"Skywalker." I croaked. Damn I do not sound good. "What the fuck are you doing?" 

"Shut up, man. I'm healing you." Skywalker said.

I squeaked. I squeaked like a shavit eating mouse droid, when Skywalker touched the wound. Wait why was he touching the wound? Doesn't that infect it or something?

"Mouse droids do not eat at all." Skywalker said. Dammit. I forgot to shield.

"Nah. I was poking around your head trying to find the nerve which controls your kidney to convince it to shut down temporarily." Skywalker said.

Wait you could do that?

"Ma-Skyguy!" Yelled Skywalker's padawan.

"Yeah?" He asked turning to look at her.

"We've got slaves-" 

"Ex-slaves." Skywalker interrupted.

"Yeah them, they don't know basic, you know a lot of languages, talk to them!"