The Mosshead of a First Mate and The Idiotic, Strawhat wearing Captain

Sanji Vinsmoke

“SANJI! MEEEAAAT! MEATMEATMEAT! SANJI, I WANT MEANT!”

“SHUT YOUR TRAP SHITTY GOMU, WAIT UNTIL LUNCH, IT’S ALMOST DONE!”

Zoro sighed, rolling his eyes at the familiar sight of Luffy whining at Sanji for meat and said shitty cook denying it to him.

Stupid swirly brows, he should just give Luffy what he wants. The man knows that the captain won’t quit begging until he gets it. Or steals it. Luffy is a pirate after all, he’s not above stealing.

Watching the two with a critical eye, Zoro grinned in amused anticipation as Sanji turned his back on Luffy, the gomu gomu boy taking his opportunity and darting a stretched arm over towards the prepared pile of meat and snatching a leg bone with an angry declaration of “FINE, I’LL WAIT TILL LUNCH THEN, STUPID SANJI!”

Zoro freely grinned as his captain stomped out of the kitchen, clearly fighting off his own laughter at Sanji’s irritated grumbling as he left.

He’s sure that Sanji noticed Luffy’s theft, based on the twitching of his cheeks, and honestly, Luffy’s rubber body isn’t very stealthy.

Whenever his body stretched, it always sent out a faint sound that all members of the crew had grown accustomed to and were able to act accordingly to it even when chaos was happening around them. It was a skill that they quickly learned. It was a matter of life and pain for them.

Standing up, he reached towards an unopened bottle of sake, turning his glaring eye towards the cook as soon as he felt the others burning eyes on him.

Shit cook.

He can grab sake when he wants goddamn it.

“Shitty Marimo! Stop drinking all the sake, what if the ladies want some later and there’s none left because of you?!”

“Shut up perv-cook! If it’s gone then it’s gone, they can drink something else!” Zoro grunted, turning and heading towards the exit of the kitchen. Before he could get out however, his senses immediately picked up a threat, making him draw Wado and expertly block one of the cooks powerful kicks. He was very smug to note that while his own arm didn’t shake from the force, Sanji’s leg had a slight, almost unnoticeable quiver to it.

“Done yet dumbass cook?”

Sanji growled, pushing down harder on the sword before doing a backflip back to his cooking station, popping a fresh cigarette between his lips and lightning it. “Get out of my kitchen shitty swordsman, and don’t bother coming in here for lunch!”

Zoro scoffed, putting Wado back in her sheath and heading out the door with HIS sake.

He didn’t really care that the cook was banning him from the kitchen for lunch, it’s happened often enough and he’d always get food in the end anyways.

Not from the cook, of course not. Besides, he wouldn’t accept anything from the dartboard brow after that!

No, it was always the rest of the crew that would bring him food. They’d all work together on distracting Sanji so that one of them could swipe food from the table and put it on an extra plate, away from Sanji’s gaze.

One of them would leave the kitchen earlier than the rest, changing it up every time this happened so that Sanji wouldn’t suspect anything, and they’d drop the food off to him at wherever he was resting.

Nami would always roll her eyes at him and call him stupid, but she’d smile in the end and pull out a hidden (don’t ask how she hid it, he still had no idea considering that she hardly wore any clothes) bottle of sake. They’d sit together to chat and Zoro would begrudgingly be forced to share the sake or else his debt be raised.