You Don't Care

Chapter 3: Bitter Cold

I woke up around 9 am and found out I was wrong about Long Island not getting a lot of snow. When I looked out my kitchen window, the entire street was covered in nothing but white. It looked like it was almost 2 feet. I almost felt bad for my dad who had to shovel all of that. I would've helped, but me plus shoveling snow was a bad mix. Back at home, I would slip and fall on my face and could barely shovel the snow out of our driveway. That was when we only had about 6 inches of snow, let alone 2 feet. My phone vibrated and I saw it was Jake.

Jake: Morning Clara :)

My heart felt like it just melted into my entire body. I couldn't believe he actually took 5 seconds of his time to text me good morning. I looked out my bedroom window and I saw him lying down in his bed staring at the ceiling. Was he waiting for me to respond? Instead of saying "good morning" back to him like a normal person, I just told him:

Clara: Look outside your bedroom window ;)

After I sent it, I felt kind of like a creep. But when I saw his phone light up, he slightly jumped, read it and smiled. He looked right at me through his window and waved. I smiled and waved back. Then he looked back at his phone and left his room. Odd, but I wasn't going to sound like a creeper and text him why he left. Soon I heard the doorbell ring. I wondered who it was. Dad was already at work so I got up and went downstairs to answer the door. I opened it to see the one person I never knew would be on my front porch step.

It was Jake.

"Oh hey." I smiled slightly but it was kind of awkward. I was still in my pajamas and I didn't really want him to see my scars. My hair was probably a mess and I wasn't wearing any makeup. I most likely looked like shit like I did every day.

"Hey there." Another awkward silence of us looking in each others eyes. His beautiful dark eyes had a shimmer in the light and it was just so perfect. Everything about him was so perfect. His dark curly hair flowed perfectly over his head. His jawline was perfectly shaped with the rest of his face. His lips were a light peachy color but a had a pink tint so they weren't too light or too dark. His teeth were perfectly straight and white which gave him the perfect smile.
"Wanna come inside?" I asked. I wasn't gonna leave him in the cold obviously.
"Yeah sure." I was surprised all he wore was a sweatshirt, a black t-shirt underneath and black jeans. I guess he was immune to the cold or something.
I walked him upstairs to my room. It was kind of weird. I only knew Jake for about a day, and he already just randomly came over just to say hi. Or was there another reason?
"Lot of band posters you have up." He laughed as he sat on my bed.
"Yeah. Kind of have a band addiction."
"Haha that's fine. We all have strange addictions."
"Ha, true." I stood there kind of quiet not knowing what to say next. "I'm gonna go change quickly. I'll be right back." I just wanted to throw on long pants and some eyeliner so I looked a little decent this morning.
"You look fine but sure I'll wait."
I walked to the bathroom and changed into a pair of black sweatpants and a Led Zeppelin shirt. I did my usual eyeliner and fixed up my hair. I looked okay. Not great, but okay.
I walked back to my room to find Jake sitting on my bed patiently waiting for me. He was like a puppy that waited for you at the bottom of the stairs until you came back down.
"I'm back." I said out loud as if it wasn't obvious. God, I hated being so socially awkward.
"Haha good. I was getting lonely." He had a cute sense of humor. He knew how to make me laugh. Something not a lot of people could do with me. I sat down on my bed and fixed up the pillows and blankets. Then I just sat next to Jake silently waiting for one of us to start a conversation.
"So long have you been, well...clean?" He asked hesitantly. I knew my scars weren't completely faded, but I didn't know he could see them from a distance. Usually, you'd have to look closer to see the actual cuts.
"Oh right..." I didn't always talk about self harm with other people. "2 months."
"Wow that's good progress." He smiled.
"Thanks. It's a little rough but I'm still living so that's good thing."
"It's a really good thing. I used to self harm too when I was about 13 and that lasted for about a year. I finally got help. I'm 17 now and I still have occasional moments of anxiety but it's not as bad as it used to be." I was a little curious as to why he was telling me all of this. Did he trust me already?
"Yeah I started around during the summer a few weeks after I turned 15. Family and school shit mostly. It was hard considering I had an abusive mother and selfish sister." I didn't know why I was telling him all this. Somehow, I felt like I could really trust him.
"Oh my god. That sounds horrible." He looked at me with his dark and sympathetic eyes. Stop being so damn cute! Ugh!!
"Yeah my father left us for 3 months somewhere in Chicago to get away from my mom who was cheating on him with random guys." I started to feel a lump in my throat. "He called me the night before he came home and said everything was alright. My parents got divorced and my mother and my sister went to rehab. If my dad hadn't come home, I probably would've killed myself." I felt tears in my eyes. It was hard being reminded of those harsh memories, but I didn't want to cry in front of Jake because I didn't want my eyeliner to get smudged everywhere.
"I'm sorry. That must've been hard." He put his hand on my back. It was warm and sent chills down my spine when his fingers ran up and down my upper back. "I'm glad you made it out of there and you're still alive. A pretty girl like you deserves to live." He looked in my eyes sweetly and smiled. I felt a warmth of happiness go through my entire body from head to toe. Why was he being so nice to me? Did he already have feelings for me or was he just being nice? So many questions I had just kept going through my head but I was too distracted by Jake's perfect dark eyes staring into mine to even think about it.
"Well, if you ever need to talk, I'm always here for you. I mean we're neighbors so I think it would make sense if I watched out for you." He smiled sweetly.
"Thank you." I felt a number of mixed emotions just now. I was confused not only why he was comforting me as if he knew me for years, but why I told him my dark past. I normally wouldn't just tell anyone after knowing them for a day. Something about him was just...different. I had a feeling I could tell him everything and he somehow understood me. I felt something I couldn't explain. Was it a connection? I barely knew Jake for a day, and somehow I felt like I had...no. No I didn't. I couldn't. There's no way I could have these feelings for him in just one day. I tried to fight it, but I knew deep down inside, I wanted to be more than friends with him. Everything besides his look made him so perfect. He knew how to make me laugh, he cared about me and he knew how to make me feel happy. Something not everyone could do. I didn't want to be in a relationship with him just yet. I still wanted to get to know him a little more and I wanted him to see the real me. Not the "me" that was suicidal and depressed. The "me" that did like having a few laughs and enjoyed others company.
"Mind if I throw on some music?" I asked after a few seconds of yet another awkward silence.
"Actually, I'd rather hear what you have to sing." He answered laughing a bit. I froze for two seconds praying he wasn't serious. "But since you just moved, you can pick the music." Thank god! "But you have to sing at least one thing for me this week. Remember our deal?" I unfortunately did remember. Fuck. "Tomorrow why don't you come on by to hear me play and, I don't know...just chill for a while." He blushed slightly and I could see his cheeks turn pink. I almost died because of how adorable he looked when he was embarrassed.