You Don't Care

Chapter 2: Some Things Never Change

I came downstairs after unpacking my stuff and found my father cooking some pasta dish. I wasn't all that hungry, then again my father always made a fuss when I didn't eat my food. After he found out I had an eating disorder 2 years ago, he was devastated. He immediately took me to therapy and I started eating 3 meals a day again only last year. I've always been insecure about myself though. I never liked the way my body or my face looked and I probably never will. But I didn't want to hurt my dad again by starving myself and forcing myself to throw up. I just have to deal with the fact that I'll never be that perfect girl everyone wants. I'm always the last choice and never the girl every guy stops and stares at when they see me. That's just the way it is and that will never change.

While I waited for dinner, I walked around my new house. It was only a small 3 story private home, but still good enough for just me and my dad. The downstairs was a living room, a small white kitchen and a wooden dining table with 4 chairs in case we had any company over. The upstairs had my own bedroom, my dads room, one bathroom and a small linen closet. The last floor was just the basement which for now was completely empty. There were boxes everywhere in the living room that had to be unpacked. I'm not a huge fan of manual labor, but since it was just me and my dad, I was gonna have to do some work around the house. Now that he had a new job, he wouldn't get home until late at night so I would have to take care of myself. I hoped I would get used to this new life. I especially wanted to get to know Jake. His house was right next door so we'd probably see each other often. That was terrifying part. I'm never great at talking to guys. I was gonna have to pray that I didn't sound like an idiot every time I talked to him.

I waited on the couch for dinner to be ready. I was listening to Black Veil Brides "Coffin" and texting Gabby telling her all about the new place. When the song was almost over, dinner was ready. I put my phone in my pocket and walked to the dining table. I didn't eat any breakfast or lunch because we got up early to get everything else moved out and I spent as much time as I could with Gabby. My dad served my food on the new porcelain plates he bought yesterday. Pasta with cream sauce and steamed vegetables. Finally, I could eat my food without my mother storming in my room yelling at me for being stupid and how horrible my food was. It's not like I was a 5-star chef or anything and we could barely afford any good food at the time. Mostly it was just packaged ramen and canned or frozen foods every night until my father came home. Now not only was I able to eat in peace, I could eat actual homemade and high quality food. I could definitely get used to this.

"So how do you like the new place?" My father asked as he served his own food.

"It's pretty cool. It's not a like whorehouse with constant screaming or violence so far. So that's a good thing."

"Haha that's true." He laughed a little. My father was my biggest supporter. He taught me how to play piano and he was always there for when no one was. When he found out I was starving myself, I was so glad he did. He got me the help I needed and made sure I didn't die. He's always been the one to encourage me to stay strong and believe in myself. Even though that was always hard for me, I knew I always had my dad on my side to help me. When he was gone for 3 months, I had no one except Gabby, but I was almost never out of the house. So I had no one to talk to or had a shoulder to cry on. I just cut and cried and always had thoughts of suicide. Now that it was just me and him, things were gonna change. I would still probably go to a therapist because I still had occasional thoughts of killing myself and wasn't always okay. But now I had my dad around and that was definitely who I needed in my life now.

After dinner, I washed the dishes to give my dad a break so he could unpack his stuff. He was also a musician and had so much equipment to set up. His studio was going to be set up in the basement so he could start making music and everything. He's tried to get me to record any song he wanted me to sing, but it's difficult because like I said, I'm not comfortable singing in front of people and I knew I wasn't that great like Oliver Sykes or Vic Fuentes. But I loved singing. It was a great way to relieve my stress. I always sang in the shower and sang to myself alone in my room. When no one was in the house, I would sometimes sing out loud so no one else would be able to hear me to tell me how awful I was when I was alone. Now that my dad was gonna be out of the house at his new job, I'd have more time to practice. Maybe some day I'd get the confidence to perform in front of people, but as of now, I'll stick with singing while no ones around.